Raj: Being an astrophysicist right now is like being a rock star.
Howard: Only without the sex.
Raj: Yeah, literally none of it.

Leonard: How's dating two women going?
Raj: Umm, kinda hit a bump. When I was honest and told Emily she wasn't the only person I was seeing, it went great. So I tried the same thing with Lucy.
Howard: And?
Raj: She had mixed feelings. But when I said "Emily was cool with it, Emily's the best, why can't you be more like Emily?", those feelings became less mixed.

Howard: I promise I'll be on my best behavior.
Raj: You better be. No jokes about how close I am with my dog. Or the truth about how close I am with my dog.

Emily: It's fine. All my friends love this story. They call you Clogzilla.
Raj: Get it? Because you clogged up her bathroom like a radioactive monster.

Emily: If it makes you feel better, you're not the wierdest guy I've met off the Internet.
Raj: Well, give me a chance. You don't even know me.

Raj: Fate has given me a rare second chance and I swear to Vishnu that I'm not going to blow it. ... Or normal words followed by a charming smile.

Leonard: I've seen old pictures of you. You were never a fat kid.
Raj: No, I was svelte as a gazelle. A gazelle blessed with a flair for storytelling.

Raj: Hey, you guys just time travelled so stop looking so bored.

Bernadette: Raj, your tag's sticking out. *Bernadette tucks Raj's clothing tag back in*
Raj: Thank you. That's the closest I've come to sex in like two years.
Bernadette: Now I feel a little gross.
Raj: You're only making it seem more real for me.

Leonard: Don't a lot of famous actors get their start doing bad movies?
Penny: Okay, I don't think Meryl Streep ever had to say "Must keep gorilla hands from killing again".
Raj: If she did it would be amazing. That woman can do no wrong.

Sheldon: Nine years, eleven months and three weeks ago, he followed that up replacing the slides for my lecture with photographs of nude fat women bending over.
Amy: Really?
Howard: The lecture was on cosmic gas clouds.
Raj: I was there. It was funny!

Amy: Before I met Sheldon I was ready to give up too. Once, I even called in on my OBGYN just for some human contact.
Raj: It has been a while since I got my prostate checked.

Raj: Emily, your face is like a precious Dew-kissed flower.
Amy: Wow.
Raj: I know. Powerful stuff, huh?
Amy: No. You're supposed to be yourself. Not all desperate and creepy.
Raj: Okay, I'm getting some mixed messages here.

Raj: I give you one simple thing to do: contact a complete stranger and make her fall in love with me, and you blow it!

Raj: Hello, Emily.
Emily: Hello.
Raj: Amy told me you were concerned that I might be too passive and shy. Let me ask you something: would a passive guy barge in here to look you in the eye and say "Hey, dew-kissed flower. What's up?".
Emily: No, but a weird guy with no boundaries might.
Raj: Okay, that's a separate issue. Let's put a pin that and just focus on the passive thing.