Quotes from ‘The Maternal Capacitance’

The Maternal Capacitance

'The Maternal Capacitance' - Season 2, Episode 15

A visit from Leonard's mother, Dr. Beverly Hofstadter, brings misery for the gang, except for Sheldon who is enamored with Leonard's analytical mother.

Air Date: February 9, 2009.

Quote from Howard

Mrs. Hofstadter: It might explain why the two of you have created an ersatz homosexual marriage to satisfy your need for intimacy.
Howard: Say what?

Quote from Penny

Leonard: She's only been here a day and a half, and I'm seriously considering alcoholism as a new career path.
Penny: Hey, I talked to her for five minutes yesterday, and I've been half bombed ever since.

Quote from Penny

Penny: You can't let her get into your head.
Leonard: It's too late for me, my head is her summer house.

Quote from Beverly Hofstadter

Penny: I'm curious. What was Leonard like when he was little?
Beverly Hofstadter: I think you mean young. He's always been little.

Quote from Beverly Hofstadter

Beverly Hofstadter: If you want to have intercourse with that girl, find out what kind of cologne her father wore.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: That was fast.
Beverly: Oh, the middle stall was occupied. I'll have to try again later.
Sheldon: That's totally understandable. In bladder voiding, as in real estate, it's location, location, location.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Yes, it's definitely a colonoscopy.
Leonard: My mother's coming for a visit.
Howard: Hey, what do you know. You were right.

Quote from Beverly Hofstadter

Penny: It's out of order.
Beverly Hofstadter: Yes, I can read the sign. I was just pondering the implications.
Penny: I think it implies that the elevator doesn't work.
Beverly Hofstadter: Again, I can read the sign. But the sign and the tape are covered with a layer of dust which indicates the elevator has been non-functional for a significant period of time, which suggests either a remarkable passivity among the - I assume - 24-36 residents of this building - based on the number of mail boxes and typical urban densities - or a shared delusion of functionality.

Quote from Beverly Hofstadter

Beverly Hofstadter: Aside from a pro forma consummation of our marriage, his father and I only had intercourse for the purposes of reproduction.
Sheldon: That seems a fairly efficient arrangement.
Beverly Hofstadter: Yes, we think so. We've both done papers on it. Mine from the neuroscientific point of view and his from an anthropological. Mine, of course, was the only one worth reading.

Quote from Beverly Hofstadter

Beverly Hofstadter: You know, both selective mutism and an inability to separate from one's mother can stem from a pathological fear of women. It might explain why the two of you have created an ersatz homosexual marriage to satisfy your need for intimacy.

Quote from Beverly Hofstadter

Beverly Hofstadter: Your scan data will be very helpful to my research. You have a remarkable brain.
Sheldon: I know. Although I've always hated how my right frontal lobe looks in pictures.
Beverly Hofstadter: Common complaint among men. Nothing's ever big enough, except when they get a tumour. Then you never hear the end of it.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: You shush. I'm happy. I want to talk about it.

Quote from Beverly Hofstadter

Penny: You must be Leonard's mother.
Beverly Hofstadter: Well, I don't know whether I must be, but yes.

Quote from Beverly Hofstadter

Howard: So, she's close to curing diabetes?
Beverly Hofstadter: Why else would you grow a pancreas in a teenaged gibbon?
Howard: Wow, you must be very proud.
Beverly Hofstadter: Why? They're not my accomplishments. I have to urinate.

Quote from Beverly Hofstadter

Penny: What was he like when he was young?
Beverly Hofstadter: You'll have to be more specific.
Penny: Oh, like five or six.
Beverly Hofstadter: *looks at Penny*
Penny: Five.
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh. Well, at that age he was well enmeshed in what Freud would call the phallic stage of pyscho-sexual development. An outmoded theory, of course, but the boy did spend most of his waking hours with a tight grasp on his penis.

Quote from Beverly Hofstadter

Penny: I'm Penny. I'm his neighbor.
Beverly Hofstadter: I'm Beverly Hofstadter.
Penny: Nice to meet you. *Offers to shake hands*
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, you're a hand shaker. Interesting.

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