Leonard: Howard, he's fifteen.
Howard: Yeah, so, when I was fifteen I met Denise Palmeri and my grade point average fell from a 5.0 to a 1.8.
Raj: She was sleeping with you?
Howard: No, I just wasted a lot of time thinking about what it would be like if she did.

Howard: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.

Josh: So, I have to ask, was the robot sexy?
Howard: It was actually just a mechanical hand.
Josh: 'Cause that's all you need, right?
Howard: You are my brother.

Sheldon: Sheldon Cooper does not cry.
Howard: That's true, you'd rust.

Raj: Can you believe it! He watched me work for 10 minutes and than he tried to build a little piece of software that could replace me.
Leonard: Is that really possible?
Raj: As it turned out, yes.

Sheldon: Engineering. Where the noble semiskilled laborers execute the vision of those who think and dream. Hello, Oompa-Loompas of science.

Leonard: Okay, Sheldon, I understand that youre going through a bit of a career crisis, you're searching for some other area where you can feel valuable and productive but I need to tell you something and I want you to listen carefully.
Sheldon: All right.
Leonard: Go away!