Amy: If Sheldon proposed to me during sex, my ovaries would grab onto him and never let go.

Amy: The only person who signed my yearbook was my mother. "Dear Amy, self respect and a hymen are far better than friends and fun. Love, mom."

Penny: How's your life?
Amy: Like everybody else's, subject to entropy, decay and eventual death. Thank you for asking.

Amy: It would be nice to be with a man who wants to know what's underneath my cardigan. FYI, it's another cardigan.

Amy: Uh, well, actually, to be honest I haven't told her yet.
Penny: You've been giving me a hard time and you haven't even told your mom about Sheldon?
Amy: I'm feeling a little dizzy from all the blood loss. I don't know what you're talking about.

Amy: Y'know, if being on your own is new to you, I'd be happy to share some tension-relieving techniques for ladies I've perfected over the years. For example, do you own an electric toothbrush?
Penny: No
Amy: You should get one!

Amy: We could go to the cadaver lab at UCLA and play real-life Operation.
Leonard: Uh-uh.
Sheldon: No.
Penny: I don't think so.
Amy: Are you sure? I mean, the nose doesn't light up, but if the corpse is fresh enough, sometimes you can get the leg to jerk.

Sheldon: Careful, Amy. The friend of the enemy's girlfriend is my enemy.
Amy: Really?
Sheldon: You're either with me or against me.
Amy: You wanna take the bus to work?
Sheldon: Maybe there's a third option.

Stuart: Can I help you find anything?
Amy: A comic that doesn't depict a woman whose bosom can be used as a flotation device.

Sheldon: You know, its a tad old-school, but my father was not one to spare the rod when my brother would sneak into his truck and drink his driving whiskey.
Amy: You want to spank me?

Bernadette: We just thought you might want to go out and have a good time. Maybe go dancing?
Penny: Oh, gee, thanks, but I'm not really in the mood.
Amy: You do understand that it will distract you from obsessing over the rich variety of sweet loving that your ex-boyfriend is currently receiving from the fiery jewel of Mumbai?

Penny: You know if we did a shot every time they said something embarassing, this would be one hell of a drinking game.
Amy: Little early for alcohol, isn't it?
Sheldon: (On the radio) You know, I don't just say smart things about science, I also yodel. *Yodelling*
Amy: I'll get the vodka.

Raj: I don't have (Valentine's) plans, which is why I booked time on the big telescope that night.
Amy: An evening looking at the stars, that's still kinda romantic.
Raj: Except I'd be alone.
Amy: I'm trying to put lipstick on a pig here. Work with me.

Amy: I have a sorta kinda boyfriend at home playing with a model train, but you don't hear me bitching about it.

Amy: I'll let you in on a little secret. Originally, we were painted nude. But I had him add clothes cause I thought it was an unnecessary challenge to our heterosexuality.
Penny: Yeah, good call.
Amy: But, if you ever change your mind, all it would take is some warm, soapy water and a couple of sponges.
Penny: You're talking about the painting, right?
Amy: Sure.