Bernadette: My mother wouldn't let me ride a bicycle because she was afraid I might hit a bump and lose my virginity.

Bernadette: Please don't go. Up until my vicious attack, you were the one in the wrong.

Howard: Wipe that smug smile off your face.
Bernadette: (Laughing) I can't!

Bernadette: Do you think Sheldon's actually going to go through with it?
Penny: I don't know. He said he's ready.
Bernadette: Yeah, but he also swore this was the year he'd be able to pull the guts out of a pumpkin.

Amy: We just need a weekend date that's completely boring and uneventful.
Bernadette: Too bad you didn't get your ducks in a row, 'cause tonight would have been perfect.

Bernadette: How do I put this? She's been known to call you a name that usually applies to a lady part. Or a cat, or a willow.
Leonard: I can't believe she would say that about me.
Bernadette: If you're gonna cry about it there's tissues in my purse. Unless you got some in yours, big willow.

Amy: I simply pointed out that they would never consider doing an article ranking male scientists on their sexuality. Let alone showing them in various stages of undress.
Bernadette: Because no one wants to see Neil deGrasse Tyson in a wet t-shirt bent over the hood of a Porsche.

Howard: Excuse me. Why is there a sticker on this? It's my TARDIS from Doctor Who. I was planning on moving it in the house.
Bernadette: I think you just answered your own question.

Bernadette: The only issue is that everybody has their own thing. And as long as it's two consenting adults, I guess I don't see the harm in it.
Raj: Well, what if it's one consenting adult and one adult who pretends to consent because he's afraid of being alone?
Bernadette: Well, then I guess bring a blanket. The grass gets damp at night.

Howard: What is happening? Are we missing him?
Bernadette: No, that's not what this feeling is. Is it?
Howard: Of course not. He drove us crazy. Like when you were gonna make that pie and Stuart ate all the blueberries.
Bernadette: And he tried to deny it, but his teeth were all purple.
Howard: That was pretty cute.
Bernadette: Yeah. Eww, we are missing him!

Bernadette: I brought you a little care package from work. It's our latest antiviral and the best decongestant we make.
Sheldon: I hope laughter is the best medicine, 'cause this care package is a joke.
Howard: Hey, she came all the way here- (Sheldon sneezes on Howard)
Bernadette: (Handing Howard the care package) You're gonna want to take these with food.

Amy: The more I told him about my lab, the pissier he got. You know what he said to me? He said, "I hope all your correlations turn out to be specious."
Bernadette: He said that to your face? What a dick.

Bernadette: I'm surprised Sheldon's not up here playing with all your new toys.
Amy: Actually, I haven't told him about it. We've been getting so much more funding than physics, he's been a little sensitive.
Bernadette: So you're just gonna hide your success from him?
Amy: I know. Am I terrible?
Bernadette: No. I do that, too! Howie thought my company retreat was in Boise? It was in Tahiti.

Amy: That's such a relief. I mean, part of me was worried I was being unfair to Sheldon.
Bernadette: Take that part of yourself and hide it away. Just like I did with last year's bonus check that I didn't get.