Bernadette: The thing is, my mother worked full-time. I had to take care of my brothers and sisters.
Howard: Yeah, so?
Bernadette: Ugh, it was horrible. With their snotty noses and their poopy diapers and their little shrieky voices, always complaining. I don't want to get dressed. Joey keeps spitting in my mouth. This isn't the way Mom makes waffles. Well, okay, put your hand in here. Let's see how you like this waffle!

Bernadette: Oh, I take pacts very seriously. One time at my lab, a petri dish of genetically modified super-virus went missing. That day we made a pinky swear never to admit we crossed Ebola with the common cold.
Howard: Why the hell would you cross Ebola with the common cold?
Bernadette: We never did. That would be a terrible, terrible thing.

Bernadette: Hey, Romeo. Repair your relationship on your own time!

Bernadette: I can't do this any more! I'm a good girl. I went to Catholic school!

Penny: Well, do you know how that makes me look?
Bernadette: Uh, that's an easy one: bad.
Penny: Well, why didn't you tell her that you didn't like the dress, either? I mean, what happened to our united front?
Bernadette: I'm sorry. Is this your first day being a girl?

Penny: You know, not everyone needs to have kids to be fulfilled.
Bernadette: You're right, you've got Leonard. What more do you need?

Bernadette: No husband of mine is gonna break his mother's heart!

Penny: Okay, we're gonna start with some nice breathing exercises. (inhales, exhales)
Bernadette: Sorry. I can't think of anything except how flat your belly is.
Penny: Oh, thank you.
Bernadette: Go put on some more clothes, you bitch.

Bernadette: Sheldon, I've been cooking all day.
Sheldon: Well, now don't you feel silly.
Bernadette: (To Howard) Show him the closet.

Leonard: Maybe it is a little like Penny. Any chance she'll be flattered?
Bernadette: I don't know. She's pretty mean.
Leonard: Ilsa or Penny?
Bernadette: Exactly.

Bernadette: Howard, a girl doesn't go out with a man like you, with your looks, your fancy patter, and your tight hoochie pants if she's not expecting him to eventually make the move.

Howard: Just giving the lady the old tour of the salt mines.
Bernadette: (Giggling) He doesn't mean salt mines , he means where he works.

Bernadette: Howie, the estrogen is getting absorbed by your skin. That's why you've been all bloated, moody and a giant pain in the ass.

Bernadette: $5,000 for a couple dolls. Are you out of your mind?

Bernadette: Fine, what is it?
Howard: It's to help re-open the Comic Book Store.
Bernadette: Nope.