Penny: So he's my ex-boyfriend, who cares? I can't believe Leonard would be so insecure.
Bernadette: Really? I have no trouble believing that at all.
Penny: And Zack's engaged. Leonard has no reason to feel threatened.
Bernadette: We're talking about the same Leonard, right?

Bernadette: So you wanted to learn something physical and you came to Howard Wolowitz?

Bernadette: Let me just say good-bye. (Taps the glass) Halley. (Hits the glass) Look at Mommy. (Hits the glass) Over here, honey. (Pounding the glass)Say good-bye to Mommy! Look at me! Look at your mother!
*Babies crying*
Bernadette: All right, we can go.

Stuart: Bye, cutie. I'm gonna miss you. (voice breaking) I'm gonna be waiting right here tonight when you get home.
Bernadette: Stop, you're gonna make me cry.
Howard: (voice breaking) Great, now everybody's crying.
Stuart: At least Halley's not.
Howard: That's good.
Bernadette: She's not gonna see us all day, and she doesn't even care!

Howard: Learning anything?
Bernadette: Well, sloth babies cling to their mothers' bodies for almost a year. I'm going back to work after only four months. So, I've learned I hate myself, I hate sloths, and I hate you for bringing me here.

Stuart: What you working on?
Bernadette: Trying to catch up on office e-mails before I go back.
Stuart: Oh, that's right, maternity leave's almost over. Are you excited?
Bernadette: Yeah, I mean, I'll miss Halley, but it'll be nice to get out of the house, be intellectually stimulated. Go out to lunch instead of, you know, (points to her breasts) being lunch.

Bernadette: It's okay, I'm just being emotional about this. Can you not tell Howard?
Stuart: Well, don't you think it'd be healthier if you told him what's going on with you?
Bernadette: Don't you think it'd be healthier if you had your own apartment, grown man?
Stuart: Your secret is safe with me.

Bernadette: Plus, I think I'm setting a good example for Halley, to show her that women can be mothers and still have satisfying careers. Sure, she won't know where I went or if I'm ever coming back. That'll just make the ten minutes between when I get home (voice breaking) and her bedtime even more special.

Leonard: Anyway, I figured I can hang out with my friends and have fun too.
Bernadette: Well if your idea of fun is riding in a minivan to Target for diapers, things are about to get nuts.

Leonard: I'm sure I'm overreacting.
Bernadette: You're entitled to feel how you feel. If you don't like it, you should just talk to her.
Leonard: I don't want to sound like a jealous baby.
Bernadette: Oh, then maybe you shouldn't talk to her.

Beverly Hofstadter: Hello, Leonard.
Leonard: Why are you saying we have marital problems? We don't have marital problems!
Beverly Hofstadter: I see. You must be yelling at me out of wedded bliss.

Howard: Fine, what should we do?
Bernadette: We're smart. I'm sure we can think of something.
Howard: You want to let him live here?
Bernadette: Oh, we're smarter than that.

Raj: Can I get anyone anything at all?
Penny: Raj, you don't have to serve us.
Raj: It's the least I can do for helping me carry my stuff up.
Howard: It was really no problem.
Bernadette: Not for you, box of towels.

Stuart: (Storming into Howard and Bernadette's room with a baseball bat) Not on my watch!
Bernadette: It's fine. It's just Raj. You can hit him with the bat, but it's fine.

Howard: (To Raj) If you ever want to change things up, you're always welcome here.
Bernadette: Just not in our bedroom, you dumbass.