Sheldon: I've been modeling different types of dark matter and the traces they would leave on the zircon inside your meteorite.
Bert: What's this one here?
Sheldon: That's actually a dark matter model of my own creation. I call it the Cooper Boson.
Bert: Cool. I got to name a rock once. I named it Moderately Sedimented Shale. Guess I kind of pooped the bed on that one.

Bert: I met her on G-Harmony. That's a Web site for geologists to find love.
Amy: That's a real thing?
Bert: Yeah. Their slogan is "We're all about dating and not the carbon-14 kind".

Bert: I don't really have dreams, when I sleep or in life.

Bert: Well, you know, we geologists always get a little sad when Rocktober's over.

Amy: (imitating Bernadette) Happy Halloween.
Sheldon: Who wants to see a magic trick? Oh, that's right. No one.
Bert: Ha! They're you.

Bert: Wow. A scavenger hunt. That's exciting. I had a bit of a scavenger hunt myself last night. I was trying to find the remote. I looked under one of the cushions. Wasn't there.
Then I lifted the cushion a little higher. Bingo.
Amy: Riveting.

Bert: You know what, uh, geologists and Bon Jovi have in common?
Howard: You're both into rock?
Bert: Yeah.

Sheldon: Uh, let's-let's do it here, in-in the evenings, after everyone's gone home.
Bert: I just have to see if my evenings are free. That's a joke. They are.

Raj: And please, if you have any problems, any questions, call me immediately, okay?She's my baby.
Bert: It shouldn't come up, but just in case: where could I buy a dog that looks exactly like her? Kidding. If she dies, I'll just tell you.

Bert: I'm not asking you to play rocks. I'm asking you to collaborate on a research project. Although, if there's time, I guess we could play a round of zinc, zinc, piece of quartz.

Bert: Good question. Let's see. Infoseek, WebCrawler, oh, HotBot.

Bert: Hey. Looks like I got stood up, so I'm gonna head out.
Amy: Oh, no. Are you sure you don't want to give her a few more minutes?
Bert: Nah, G-Harmony recommends after two hours, it's time to cut bait.

Bert: Hey, you want to hear one of my geology songs?
Raj: So it's about rocks?
Bert: Better. It's about a boulder.
Raj: Isn't that the same thing?
Bert: Far from it. A boulder has a diameter greater than 25.6 centimeters.
Raj: Is that fact in the song?
Bert: No ... yes.

Amy: Okay, so it's quartz. That's got to mean something. What do we know about quartz?
Sheldon: I'll Google it.
Bert: Or you can ask me, the geologist who won the MacArthur Genius Grant.
Sheldon: Got it!

Howard: Welcome, Bert. Don't you look nice.
Bert: Yeah. Like a geode, I clean up good.
Howard: Don't you crack a geode open?
Bert: It's not a perfect metaphor.