Howard: She (Siri) is gonna break his heart.

Howard: May I say Penny, not a lot of women could look as hot as you do with such greasy hair.

Wolowitz: My mother can be a pretty good shoulder to cry on. If the smell of Ben-Gay doesn't burn your eyes.

Raj: None of our gods have abs like that.
Howard: Yep, that's the last Jew who did sit-ups. Look where it got him.

Howard: I'm guessing 21 seconds had something to do with that too.

Bernadette: What's George Takei doing here?
Katie Sackhoff: Howard, do you have latent homosexual tendencies?
Howard: Of course not.
George Takei: So you say, yet here I am.

Raj: I was so smooth on that date.
Howard: Dude, I made you smooth. You were an idiot.
Raj: Whatever, dude. She kissed me.
Howard: It might have been on your lips, but it was my kiss.
Raj: Oh, fine. Let's agree she kissed both of us.
Howard: Okay.

Wolowitz: Yes, she's pushy, and yes, he's whipped, but that's not the expression.

Penny: Wow! So in your world, you're like the cool guys.
Howard: Recognize!

Howard: Seven hundred and sixty degrees Celsius. The approximate temperature of the young lady in the front row.
Gablehauser: Mr. Wolowitz, this is your second warning.

Howard: (To Bernadette) Come on, I don't wanna eat lamb stew with my mother. (To himself) Damn, was this close to the bra.

Penny: Wait, why me? Why cant your girlfriend be Wonder Woman?
Howard: She and her lab team are under quarantine. Seems at the Christmas party they were doing Jell-O shots out of petri dishes that used to contain yellow fever.

Bernadette: Hey, Howie, how you feeling?
Wolowitz: Better. Much better. The other astronauts held me down, gave me a shot. Oooh. Attention, people of Earth. Tonight, there will be two moons in the sky.
Bernadette: Howie, stop that. NASA's watching this! Put your pants back on!

Wolowitz: If I die, promise me you'll never have sex with another man.

Sheldon: There it is again! Do you feel that?
Howard: The growing realization that you are one wacky bastard? Yes.