Leonard: When's the screening?
Raj: Uh, it's tonight, but it's first-come, first-served, so we should probably get there early and wait in line.
Howard: Let's do it.
Leonard: Penny's busy with my mother, so Im in.
Sheldon: Oh, bad news. Amy's making me go shopping with her later, so looks like none of us can go.
Leonard: You do realize were allowed to have fun without you?
Howard: In fact, that's usually the trick to it.

Leonard: Good for you, Howard. I'm proud of you. And still, you're the first one of us to get married. We have to do something special.
Sheldon: You know Germans have an interesting pre-wedding custom.
Howard: Well, it's probably not for me.

Leonard: See you guys at work.
Raj: Be there bright and early.
Howard: Not me, paternity leave.
Sheldon: Oh! A small human wreaks havoc on his wife's genitals and he gets time off.
Howard: With pay, sucka!

Raj: I'm sorry, guys. Sheldon was upset, Leonard and Penny were fighting. I just wanted to go someplace where I wasn't causing problems.
Howard: (sighs) I'll say it again. India.

Sheldon: Neither of them will be the actual cake. I'm just using it as a bargaining chip to get Amy to agree to the whole wedding party getting rings and us getting one ring to rule them all.
Howard: I forget, which mental hospital are you guys registered at?

Howard: Look, I I can see you're upset, but I'm gonna need some ground rules. I mean, while we're apart, can I see other needy Indian men?

Sheldon: Have you notified NASA?
Howard: No. Are you crazy? What am I gonna say? I screwed up your toilet and pretty soon there's gonna be crap floating all over your nice shiny space station?

Raj: Sounds like someone's in there.
Bernadette: My God, what if Sheldon and Amy are getting robbed?
Howard: Or worse, what if they're back early?

Leonard: Oh, my God, you look amazing.
Raj: I find you guilty of murder, because you are killing it.
Howard: (imitating Sheldon) Well, technically, the Supreme Court wouldn't determine a defendant's guilt or innocence in a criminal matter. They could only reverse or revamp a jury's conviction based on a constitutional or statutory issue.

Penny: Howard, would you like to explain to me why your Facebook page has a picture of me sleeping on your shoulder captioned: "Me and My Girlfriend"?
Howard: Uh oh, here comes "The Talk"!
*Penny tries to blow up Howard's head.*

Raj: Do you believe you're going to go to hell for eating sweet and sour pork?
Wolowitz: Jews don't have hell. We have acid reflux.

Howard: I'll bet your Meemaw didn't just have sex to have your mother, I bet she had sex because she liked it.
Sheldon: Stop it!
Raj: Yeah, Meemaw did the nasty.
Sheldon: I said stop it!
Howard: We're getting to him.

Howard: See a Penny, pick her up, and all the day, you'll have good luck.
Penny: No, you won't.

Howard: How did you get so brave all of a sudden?
Raj: It's easy. The spider's crawling up your arm.

Cop: You guys need me to call someone? I'm guessing your moms?
Leonard: Thanks, but we've got it covered.
Howard: Okay, I just talked to my mom.