Leonard: Oh, you do what you want. But I don't want to lose my friends over tenure. Friends are forever.
Howard: *Coughing* So is tenure.

Howard: I was going to make a necklace for my mom but unfortunately she doesn't have a neck. She's just chins and fat and feet.

Howard: Hey. Good news, somebody in this room gets to take a ride on a rocket.
Bernadette: Fine. Can I at least shower first?
Howard: No, not that. Although you already agreed to it, so no takebacks.

Howard: I was going to say we pick up a cake or a pie, but an insult to her faith is always thoughtful.

Raj: If she isn't going to use it, why are we doing this?
Howard: She'll use it. All I need is to rig it with a fishing pole and a honey-baked ham.

Bernadette: After two days of taking care of her, excuse me for stopping to get a mocha?
Howard: A mocha?! Well, it must be nice to be Queen.

Howard: Hey, I didn't think you'd make it.
Raj: Why not?
Howard: Because you have a steady girlfriend now and we assumed you'd have to stay home to lower the food down to her in the pit.

Howard: I really don't like how your wings poke me when we sleep because you're an angel.

Howard: As a scientist you believe the way to understand the universe is through facts and evidence. And now you're counting on some blue chick with a hundred arms to help you?
Raj: That is so offensive. Does everything you know about Hinduism come from Indiana Jones?
Howard: No, there's also Apu from The Simpsons.

Sheldon: Svaty Vaclav is better known as Good King Wenceslas from the beloved Victorian Christmas carol.
Howard: Never heard of it. Must be the one Christmas song not written by a Jewish guy.

Howard: Are you kidding me? You lost my mother's ashes?
Airline worker: No, I'm just saying that sometimes bags are misrouted.
Howard: All right, where did you misroute the only woman who ever loved me? The first woman - I meant first.

Raj: Oh no, oh no, oh God, no.
Howard: You know what? You sound busy. I'm going to let you go.

Howard: A lot of ma's stuff brings back fond memories.
Bernadette: Is that why you couldn't get rid of her drawer full of ketchup packets?
Howard: Yes. It reminds me of us eating out, and her saying "Quick, no one's looking, fill your pockets with ketchup."

Howard: It's all defrosting.
Bernadette: It's okay, it's just food.
Howard: It's not just food. This is the last food my mother ever made. This is her last brisket. This is her last meatloaf. This is her last - I have no idea what this is. But, it's the last one.

Bernadette: What should we do?
Howard: I'll tell you exactly what we're gonna do. We're gonna eat it.
Bernadette: There's like twenty-pounds of food in there.
Howard: All you said was, I had to get rid of things. You didn't say they couldn't pass through my colon first.