Amy: You make jokes about Sheldon but if it weren't for him, I don't think any of us would be sitting in in this room right now.
Howard: Really? Sheldon not being here is the main reason I'm in this room.

Howard: The doctor says you've got to get exercise.
Mrs. Wolowitz: I get plenty of exercise.
Howard: Crushing my will to live isn't exercise!

Wolowitz: Qu'est-ce que 'sup?

Howard: Oh, my God. An Alf doll. When I was 11 my mother got me one to help me sleep after my dad left. I used to pretend that my dad had moved to the planet Melmac, and Alf was going to bring him back to me. But he never did. Where's my daddy, puppet? Where is he?

Howard: Sounds like Zack's the victim, you're sleeping with his wife.

Raj: (Strangling Howard) I am Shiva the Destroyer, I will have the woman.
Howard: I'm warning you, I took Judo at math camp.

Sheldon: (On computer screen) Hello, puny insects, as a consequence of your efforts to circumvent my will, everyone is awarded one additional strike.
Leonard: Thanks a lot, Howard.
Howard: What are you complaining about? I'm the one who has to take the class again.

Jimmy Speckerman: Yeah, we were practically a comedy team.
Wolowitz: Yeah, like the Black Death and Europe.

Wolowitz: I'm so dehydrated. My pee's like toothpaste.

Sheldon: Oh, Penny. I know you think you're being generous, but the foundation of gift-giving is reciprocity. You haven't given me a gift, you've given me an obligation.
Howard: Don't feel bad, Penny. It's a classic rookie mistake. My first Hanukkah with Sheldon, he yelled at me for eight nights.

Wolowitz: Do you think I'd have rather been with you or sitting around for hours listening to my mother saying "Have y'ever pee'd so much in your life?"
Rajesh: Oh, you are such a momma's boy.
Wolowitz: Don't bring my mother into this.
Rajesh: You brought your mother into this!

Sheldon: Zandor, wizard of the north. Ha! I win!
Howard: If you skip the part about under a two week quarantine because you were exposed to a deadly disease, absolutely.

Howard: Not now, I have a blog to find.

Raj: He was a lot more fun when he had no hope.
Howard: Give him time.

Howard: (Answering phone) You've reached "Friends with Benefits", for a booty call, press 1 now.