Wolowitz: Winnie-the-Pooh is out of the honey tree.

Raj: How about we get an electric saw and cut it off?
Howard: What? No saws. One circumcision was enough.

Leonard: You slipped and fell into a robot hand?
Wolowitz: Yes
Raj: Penis first?
Wolowitz: Yes!

Althea: Why is it hooked up to a computer?
Leonard: Uh, it's what controls the arm.
Howard: But it's frozen.
Althea: Did you try turning it off and back on again?
Howard: No, you see, it's more complicated than that. (Althea switches off computer) No, wait! (The robot hand lets go) Winnie the Pooh is out of the honey tree.

Wolowitz: Good God, what have we done?

Leonard: She didn't dump me. We were just in different places in the relationship.
Sheldon: I fail to see how a relationship can have the qualities of a geographical location.
Wolowitz: It's very simple. Leonard was living in a little town called "Please don't leave me", while Penny had just moved to the island of "Bye-bye!"

Howard: *Noticing Raj peeking through someone's window using the telescope* Oh, Raj, no. Billions of dollars have gone into inventing the Internet and filling it with pictures of naked women, so we don't have to peep through windows.

Dr. Plimpton: Can I ask you a question Howard? Do you like role-playing games?
Howard: Yeah, sure. In fact, I'm a dungeon master.

Dr. Plimpton: Tonight, you are the delivery man, you brought soup, and uh-oh! Raj and I don't have enough money to pay you! So we'll have to come to some other kind of arrangement?
Howard: Beg your pardon?
Dr. Plimpton: You two figure out the details; I'm gonna change into something I don't mind getting ripped off my milky flesh! (goes off to change)
Howard: What the frack?
Raj: Go away. She wants New Delhi, not kosher deli. Besides, you have a girlfriend.
Howard: Yeah, we broke up weeks ago.
Raj: What? Why didn't you say anything?
Howard: I was waiting for the right time; this is a right time.

Raj: Okay, show of hands: who's up for this?
(Howard eagerly raises his hand)
Leonard: We'll all be naked, in front of each other.
Howard (lowering his hand): I'm out.

Howard: Are you planning on kidnapping a woman?
Sheldon: Sarcasm?
Howard: Yes, but mixed with genuine concern.

Raj: Guys, help me.
Howard: Sheldon, come on.
Leonard: Yeah, it's just one sneeze. (Raj sneezes again) You're on your own.
Howard: See you, buddy.

Raj: Do you believe you're going to go to hell for eating sweet and sour pork?
Wolowitz: Jews don't have hell. We have acid reflux.

Howard: Hey, I just wanted to tell you I'm a big fan.
Wil: Oh, thanks.
Howard: I'm sure you're probably sick of Star Trek questions, but, Whoopi Goldberg, you ever hit that?

Raj: Ah, the premature "I love you".
Howard: I guessed premature. Does that count?