Leonard: He made you his screensaver.
Amy: Oh, wow. I had no idea. He is so into me!

Sheldon: *Laughs* Very good. Because a gorilla go-go dancer of any sexual preference would be out of place in a film about the Holocaust.
Leonard: It only gets funnier when you explain it, Sheldon.
Sheldon: I know.

Leonard: This would have been so much more romantic if you didn't have gorilla hair on your fingers.

Penny: What am I supposed to say?
Leonard: Say "Can't talk right now, hanging with my boyfriend. England sucks. You suck. USA number one."

Leonard: I got all your favorites. Beer, wings, sliders. We can watch the football game. I even painted my stomach.
Penny: Go Sports?
Leonard: Well, in case you were in the mood for baseball, I didn't want to look ridiculous.

Leonard: Why don't we go get the food for the party?
Stuart: Thank you.
Raj: Smart. Looks like we're being helpful.
Leonard: When really we're just exiting an uncomfortable situation. *fist bumps with Raj*

Leonard: Congratulations. Who would've thought you two would be the first in our group to start a family.

Leonard: I got you something for Valentine's Day and I was too embarrassed to give it to you.
Penny: Why?
Leonard: Because I got it at the dirty store.
Penny: You went to the dirty store without me?
Leonard: In sun glasses and a hat after I parked two blocks away.

Penny: Did we move at all?
Leonard: Maybe a long the Z axis, but X & Y are looking pretty sad.

Penny: Now come on, we are gonna do this.
Leonard: Yeah. You get the paint, I'll rest for thirty to forty minutes, and then we do this.

Sheldon: I just restocked the old PRK.
Penny: PRK?
Leonard: Public Restroom Kit. Everything a boy needs for making pee-pee in new and strange places.

Penny: Okay, look, would it make you feel better if I did something dumb like sneak out of work one day to go audition for a Kevin Smith movie?
Leonard: That would be great, thank you!
Wil Wheaton: I'm just going to jump in here real quick. Leonard, a moment ago, you were dead set against Penny resuming her acting career, but now you're all for it. Is it fair to say that she played you like a violin?
Leonard: Yes, it is, Wil.

Penny: What is the harm if I audition?
Leonard: Well, what if you get it?
Penny: I don't know, I make a movie, we could become rich and famous, win an Oscar, a Golden Globe and live an incredibly wonderful life.
Leonard: From a Kevin Smith movie?

Penny: Sweetie, you know you're supposed to wear clothes under a graduation gown?
Leonard: A. Surprised you know that. B. I wanted to look like a sexy graduate for you.

Beverly Hofstadter: Sounds like Sheldon was a handful.
Mary Cooper: Oh, he was a handful.
Sheldon: I was a handful.
Leonard: You still are.