Penny: I'm really happy that you and Amy are back together.
Sheldon: Thank you.
Leonard: I'm also really happy, but I can't pretend it's for you. New Star Wars in three days!

Leonard: You know, I do have a way to get him out of our hair. I've been holding onto this for a few years, but maybe now's the time.
Howard: We can just lock the door; you don't have to kill him.
Leonard: You can't kill him; he'll just respawn at the last save point.

Leonard: Maybe I am her gay friend.

Sheldon: Is the whip sound app contextually appropriate here?
Leonard: Uh, it is, but I think you might have waited too long for it to be funny.
[whip cracks]
Leonard: [Everyone laughs] I was wrong; it was still funny.

Howard: Yeah, I wish Stuart would reopen, I hate this place, too.
Leonard: Okay, him I believe because he's an eighty-year-old man in a fifteen-year-old's t-shirt. You're just upset about Stuart, your mom and all their HBOs.

Leonard: Well, how about we stop being so scared of losing each other, and just be together?
Penny: That sounds nice.
Leonard: Good. I've loved you from the moment we met and I will keep loving you until the end of time.
Penny: Oh my God, that is the most beautiful thing anyone's ever said to me.
Leonard: Yeah? That's because you're beautiful, and your beauty fills my heart with love and song.
Penny: Getting kind of cheesy, Leonard.
Leonard: You think that's cheesy? Buckle up.
(Leonard gets down on one knee)
Leonard: Penny Hofstadter, will you please stay married to me?
Penny: Oh dammit, you topped it.

Raj: Hey, want to spend some time playing the new Star Wars game this weekend?
Leonard: Oh, I don't know. I kinda promised myself I'd get off the computer, be more physically active, get some exercise.
Howard: You're about to walk up three flights of stairs.
Leonard: Good point. I'm in.

Leonard: I love cheesecake.
Sheldon: You're lactose-intolerant.
Leonard: I don't eat it. I just think it's a good idea.

Wolowitz: Leonard, how was your date?
Leonard: Bite me!

Raj: How about Lasik?
Leonard: You want me to get eye surgery?
Raj: Would you rather go back to the apartment and deal with Sheldon or have a stranger carve out your corneas with a laser beam?
Howard: Well?
Leonard: I'm thinking.

Leonard: (to Penny) It upsets Sheldon when you play with the Sheldon.

Raj: (Reading Bulletin) We are testing a new medication for social anxiety, panic attacks, agoraphobia and obsessive-compulsive disorder. Why would they be looking for test subjects here?
Leonard: I don't know, Raj, maybe the comic store doesn't have a bulletin board.

Raj: Did the listing actually saying "Miniature"?
Leonard: (Looking at time machine) I just assumed.

Leonard: Set your phasers to stun. If we vaporize Penny, I'll never get a girlfriend that pretty again.

Leonard: Sheldon, I've known you a long time. I'm going to tell you this with all the love I can possibly muster. Amy's right, you're wrong.
Sheldon: But you don't even know -
Leonard: It doesn't matter.
Sheldon: But in my defence -
Leonard: Doesn't matter!