Raj: You guys kiss and hold hands.
Leonard: I've seen him do it. It's not romantic.

Raj: I'm sick of people being mean on the Internet.
Howard: I think the anonymity makes everyone feel like they can say things they'd never say to your face.
Sheldon: Interesting. I can't think of a single thing I wouldn't say to someone's face.
Leonard: Never noticed that about you.

Penny: No, I want to. Look, we've put this off long enough. Let's do it.
Leonard: Oh, that's exactly what you said the first time we slept together.

Leonard: Hey, ready for lunch?
Howard: Oh, one sec.
Sheldon: Is that the prototype drive system for the high-G rover?
Howard: No, Bernadette got me a Fitbit so she can track how much I'm exercising.
Leonard: That'll teach her to care about your health.
Howard: Yeah, I can't wait to see the look on her face when I die young.

Leonard: Face it, you can't stump me. I am the king of husbands.
I know that you don't like the lingerie that I got you on Valentine's Day.
I know you hate the word "moist."
I know-
Penny: Hang on. Wait, wait. Why don't I like the lingerie you got me?
Leonard: Because it's orange and you think it makes you look like a slutty carrot.
Penny: Interesting. I never told you that.
Leonard: Sure you did.
Penny: No. I never told anyone that. But I did write it in my journal.
Leonard: (In a high-pitched voice) What? I didn't know you had a journal.
Penny: I also know your voice gets higher when you're lying.
Leonard: (In a deep voice) No, it doesn't.

Howard: I did a stupid thing.
Leonard: Yeah, I guessed that.
Howard: It was the kind of thing that makes it kind of hard to face her now.
Leonard: That covers anything from farting in bed to killing a homeless guy. Oh my God, you ran over a hobo.

Leonard: Hey. Excuse me, I'm looking for a Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
Asian Guy: Oh, so you're here about the room?
Leonard: Yeah.
Asian Guy: Run away, dude.
Leonard: Wait. What?
Asian Guy: Run fast, run far!

Howard: You've already got Penny?
Leonard: How do I have Penny? In what universe do I have Penny?
Howard: So I can have Penny?
Leonard: Hell, no!

Zack: I don't get it.
Leonard: A dolphin might.

Penny: I need some guinea pigs.
Sheldon: Okay, there's a lab animal supply company in Reseda you can try. But if your research is going to have human applications, may I suggest white mice? Their brain chemistry is far closer to ours.
Penny: I swear to God, Sheldon, one day I'm going to get the hang of talking to you.
Leonard: His mom's been saying that for years.

Howard: Behold the Mobile Omni-Directional Neutralization and Termination Eradicator! Or...
Leonard, Sheldon, Howard, Raj: Monte.

Leonard: When I made that agreement, I didn't think I'd ever have a hot girlfriend, and I was positive you never would.

Leonard: If they didn't want to be yelled at by crazy nerds they shouldn't have started the Syfy channel.

Leonard: Leonard: I didn't make it back. The ship sank. I'm in Hell.

Sheldon: I appreciate your concern but I won't be seeing any more of Amy than I already do. I assume we'll deduct any extra time I see her at work from our weekly quota.'
Leonard: Please let me be there when you tell her that.
Sheldon: Why? So you can see the look on her face when she hears my top notch idea?
Leonard: Please, oh please, just let me be there.