Leonard: Don't anthropomorphize him. He's got big eyes but his feelings are not like ours.

Penny: Look, I'm sorry I said I was okay with everything before we got married. I hate that we're going through this, but I don't know what to do.
Leonard: If you don't mind waiting for a Groupon, we can try marriage counselling.

Leonard: Barry Kripke started a fencing club.
Sheldon: Interesting. Sword fighting does hold a certain elegant appeal. And I would imagine it meets many of our personal criteria for a sport.
Leonard: It's indoors, so no sunscreen.
Sheldon: No throwing, no catching, no running.
Leonard: No gym shorts that can be yanked down.
Sheldon: Or worse, up.
Leonard: Preach.

Penny: This is getting old fast, Dolores, knock it off!
Sheldon: Uh, do you really think calling me names is helpful?
Penny: I do! Your life is fine, you big baby!
Sheldon: Maybe you're right.
Amy: Really?!
Leonard: If it helps, I'm questioning your life choices, too.

Leonard: Please don't let this be Sheldon playing bongos.

Howard: A micro-valentine for a microbiologist.
Leonard: From her micro-husband.

Leonard: All right, here's the deal. Sheldon is gone so the tree decorating rules are out the window.
Penny: Which means we don't have to use his ridiculous ornament spacing template.
Leonard: And I'm happy to report its Kickstarter campaign is holding steady at $0.

Amy: After a lively debate, that motion passed by a 2-0 margin.
Leonard: It's nice to see a busy couple keep the spark of bureaucracy alive.

(Leonard is pointing out the monotonous movie habits of their former relationship.)
Leonard: No. You always picked, and it was always the same. An hour and a half of beach houses in the rain until the woman turns around and realizes love was here all along.
Penny: But, come on, that is a great movie, and it starts in ten minutes.

Leonard: All I'm saying is, if they took all the money they spent trying to make a decent Hulk movie, they could probably make an actual Hulk.

Leonard: If I roll down the windows, everything is peachy. If you roll down the windows, you're still not a doctor.

Leonard: Wait, wait, is 'brought' right?
Sheldon: Marty never had have had brought?
Leonard: I don't know, you did it to me.

Leonard: Do you realize I don't live with the woman I love because of you? No other reason. Just you.
Sheldon: Is that true?
Leonard: Yes, it's true. The last time I brought it up, you had an emotional breakdown, got on a train, and ran away.

Leonard: My parents focused on celebrating achievements and being expelled from a birth canal was not considered one of them.

Penny: What is this?
Leonard: Oh, careful. That's my original series Battlestar Galactica flight suit.
Penny: Oh, why didn't you wear it on Halloween?
Leonard: Because it's not a costume, it's a flight suit.