Penny: Leonard Hofstadler...
Leonard: Yes?
Penny: Will you be my valentine?
Leonard: Sorry. Maybe next year. I'm just kidding! Romance ninja. Let's have sex.

Leonard: I'm cool with surprises, but nothing on the Jumbotron. I don't want to cry on the big screen like that.

Howard: A micro-valentine for a microbiologist.
Leonard: From her micro-husband.

Leonard: Maybe it's a shipping problem.
Howard: What?
Leonard: Maybe Wesley Snipes and Toucan Sam just got action figures that look like you guys.

Howard: I can't believe I wasted all that money.
Leonard: Aw, and my girlfriend wouldn't let me get one. Look at my face. Do I look smug? I feel smug.

Leonard: Set your phasers to stun. If we vaporize Penny, I'll never get a girlfriend that pretty again.

Penny: Damn, you've got more makeup than I do. You've got better makeup than I do. Yeah, I'm borrowing this.
Leonard: Hey, hey, hey. This is my Comic-Con makeup. I love you, but there are some things a man doesn't share with his girlfriend.

Alex: So, do you have any plans this weekend?
Leonard: Well, most of Saturday's gonna be figuring out where to put this game when we're done.

Leonard: Hey, pretty lady.
Penny: Oh, you seem extra happy.
Leonard: Uh, I guess I am.
Penny: Any particular reason why?
Leonard: I don't know, just having a good day. This morning Sheldon fell asleep on the way to work, so I got to listen to the radio. That was pretty crazy.
Penny: Mm-hmm. Anything else?
Leonard: Mm. I found this quiz online called "Which Star Trek Character Are You?" and it only took me four tries to get Captain Kirk.

Leonard: And the one thing that could make it even better is an evening with my special girl.
Penny: Oh, and who's that?
Leonard: What do you mean?
Penny: Oh, I just didn't know if you meant me or Alex.
Leonard: Um, why would I mean Alex?
Penny: Because I know she hit on you and I know you liked it.
Leonard: What?
Penny: Don't play dumb with me, Ricardo Shilly-Shally!
Leonard: I'm missing something.

Leonard: Hang on. Are you feeling insecure? Because that's my thing, and if you take it away, I don't know what I'm bringing to this relationship.

Leonard: Okay, come with me.
Penny: Where are we going?
Leonard: To my bedroom, so I can take everything off but those glasses. And maybe the boots.

Leonard: Okay, there are ogre tracks and a trail of broken candy canes in the snow. Sheldon, what do you do?
Sheldon: I signal my contempt for your cruel plan to shove Christmas joy down my throat by making a gesture that says get a load of this guy.

Leonard: You come to the end of the tunnel and find a large chest. What do you do? And, Howard, do not say, I feel up the large chest.
Howard: Excuse me. I'm a married man now. I wasn't going to say anything so juvenile.
Leonard: Great. What do you do?
Howard: I walk up to the large chest, bury my face in it and go blublublublublublublublu!

Leonard: Oh, before I forget, Saturday I'm planning a little Dungeons and Dragons night with the guys.
Penny: Really? That's how you're gonna spend your Saturday night?
Leonard: Oh, come on, I hardly ever get a chance to play anymore.
Penny: Oh, you poor thing. Is having a real-life girlfriend who has sex with you getting in the way of your board games?
Leonard: Little bit, yeah.