Mary Cooper: I am so happy for you two, but I'm not surprised. I've been praying for this.
Sheldon: Well, God had nothing to do with it. It happened because I was kissing another woman, and it made me realize I wanted to be with Amy.
Mary Cooper: More than one woman was interested in you? I might have prayed a little too hard.

Mary: Back home, there's a woman works at the Walmart. Tall, tall girl. Woman could hunt geese with a rake.

Mary Cooper: Dr. Gablehouser, are you busy?
Dr. Gablehouser: Well, actually-
Mary Cooper: Sheldon, he's just doodlin'. Get in here.

Mark Hamill: Welcome. We are gathered here today in the sight of family, friends and Almighty God.
Sheldon: That's too religious.
Mark Hamill: That lady over there made me say it.
Mary: He heard you, and he can't un-hear you.

Mary: Let me straighten your tie.
Sheldon: No, no, no, it's all right. It's supposed to be a little asymmetrical. Apparently, a small flaw somehow improves it.
Mary: I can see that. Sometimes it's the imperfect stuff that makes things perfect.
Sheldon: Excuse me. *Sheldon rushes out of the room*
Mary: Case in point.

Mary: Thank you again for picking us up.
Raj: (chuckles) My pleasure, Mrs. Cooper.
Mary: You know, our driver to the airport was also a Indian fella.
Missy: Mom!
Mary: Oh, so now it's racist to notice when somebody's Indian.
Raj: I don't think it's racist. I noticed you were both white.
Mary: See?

Penny: Maybe a little Rodeo Drive.
Mary: Well, I can't spend $12,000 on a handbag. But it's free to look upon those that do with righteous condemnation.

Amy: Sheldon, what what are you doing?
Sheldon: Just being the un-socialized eccentric my mother always thought I was.
Mary Cooper: You startin' to see why I didn't go in there?

Amy: He's been in there a long time. Should I go talk to him?
Mary Cooper: He's upset with me. I should be the one who talks to him. (stays seated and works on her knitting)
Amy: Are you going to?
Mary Cooper: Oh, heck no.

Mary Cooper: Shelly, how do I put this? By your third birthday, you had memorized over a thousand different kinds of trains, and I never imagined a woman getting aboard any of them.
Sheldon: What, so - You thought I was going to be alone for the rest of my life?
Mary Cooper: No! Just for the middle part. 'Cause at the end I assumed there'd be nurses.

Mary Cooper: Thank you, God, for the food we are about to receive and for the nourishment of our bodies and bless the hands that prepared it. Amen.
Sheldon: Given that your hands prepared it, isn't that a little self-serving?
Mary Cooper: You start changing the words to the prayers, next thing you know, you're in a church with a guitar.

Amy: Sheldon, your mother's an attractive woman. You need to get used to the fact that men are going to be interest in her.
Sheldon: Well, and you need to drive the car and mind your business.
Amy: I will not have you be disrespectful to me.
Sheldon: What- you're not my mother.
Mary Cooper: Don't you be disrespectful to her.
Sheldon: Yes ma'am.
Mary Cooper: You'll get there. You've just gotta put some zing on it.

Mary Cooper: There's a lot of traffic. Are we gonna be okay?
Amy: You'll be at the airport an hour before your flight.
Mary Cooper: Good. Thank you.
Sheldon: Plenty of time for you to meet another geriatric boy toy.
Mary Cooper: Hey, I will not have you be disrespectful to me.
Sheldon: Yes ma'am.

Mary Cooper: Sheldon, if you're trying to prove me wrong, the tighty-whities on your head ain't changing my mind.

Amy: Well, uh, Howard and Bernadette had their baby.
Mary Cooper: (gasps) Oh, that's wonderful! Now, have they decided to raise it Jewish or regular?
Sheldon: Welcome to Texas.