Amy: I don't know, maybe I shouldn't go.
Penny: Oh, stop it, he'll be fine.
Amy: I guess. And he'll have you and Leonard right across the hall the whole time.
Penny: Oh, damn, wait, you know, maybe you shouldn't go-
Amy: Got to go! (Hangs up the phone)

Bernadette: You're excited about this opportunity, right?
Amy: Of course. I get to be part of the first team to use radon markers to map the structures that-
Penny: Okay, a simple yes will do.

Penny: Okay, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that exactly what we were supposed to stop from happening?
Bernadette: I threw my body at them, what else did you want me to do?
Leonard: You think you should call Amy?
Penny: You got fingers and a mouth, you call her.

Bernadette: I love this dress. How come I never see you wear it?
Penny: 'cause when I wear it, it's a shirt.

Amy: When Leonard gets back, Id love to check his serotonin levels. Do you think he'd let me draw a syringe full of his blood?
Penny: Hmm, he's not crazy about needles, but if you get him to go jogging, it'll just pour out of his nose.

Amy: Perhaps you could assuage your guilt through altruism. ... Which word's tripping you up? Assuage or altruism?
Penny: Both.
Bernadette: You'll feel better by doing something nice for someone.
Penny: I actually knew that.
Amy: I never doubted you.

Bernadette: Every other week I serve at a soup kitchen downtown.
Penny: Ooh, I can't do that. If I stand over a steaming pot, my hair just goes boing! What else could I do?
Amy: There's Habitat for Humanity, building houses for the poor.
Penny: Okay, come on, I don't even have my own house, I'm going to build one for someone else?

Amy: How about donating some of your clothes?
Penny: Oh, my God, that's perfect. 'cause I have so many clothes I don't wear, and they're just taking up space, and I go shopping to buy more stuff and I have no place to put it. This will totally fix that.
Bernadette: What about helping people?
Penny: And helping people.

Penny: Ah, I feel just like Mother Teresa. Except for the virgin part. That ship sailed a long time ago.
Bernadette: I think Mother Teresa would have washed the clothes first.
Penny: Yeah, well, I bet her laundry room wasn't down five flights of stairs. You know, giving really is better than receiving. I used to think it was such a cliché, but it seems to be the… oh, look at these cute jeans someone just threw away.
Bernadette: Donated.
Penny: Yes, to a poor waitress who loves a boot cut.

Howard: Here's some other fun news on the Raj/Emily front. He gave her a pair of diamond earrings and leased her a car.
Penny: You're kidding.
Leonard: You think she's taking advantage of him?
Penny: Oh, of course not. She wouldn't do something like that. She's deaf.
Leonard: Deaf women can't be gold diggers?
Penny: Handicapped people are nice, Leonard. Everyone knows that.

Penny: Okay, so he's got money, and it's a few gifts and a car.
Howard: And she got him to pay off all her credit cards.
Penny: What? He paid off her credit cards? Damn it, I could've dated Raj for a couple months. But I, I wouldn't have, because I'm not that kind of girl.

Raj: How dare you ambush my girlfriend at the gym!
Penny: We didn't mean for it to be an ambush. Just, it's kind of impossible not to sneak up on deaf people.

Penny: Oh, it's about time. I'm starving.
Leonard: Uh, well, we didn't actually get Chinese food.
Penny: Why not?
Leonard: Don't panic, this is better.
Penny: Oh, no, you didn't trade the food for magic beans, did you?

Sheldon: Of course not. And, technically, magic beans would be food, although eating them would be quite a waste, since you could plant them and overnight have a giant beanstalk, which would provide enough roughage for a small city.
Penny: Yeah, sometimes I dont listen, sometimes I just watch your jaw go up and down.

Howard: We got this whole box for sixty bucks.
Leonard: We didn't even get to go through it all. There could be anything in here.
Penny: There a new girlfriend in there? 'cause you might need one.