Penny: I'm sorry, shoes, but you have to go back.
Shoebox (Penny): But, Penny, we love you.
Penny: I love you, too, but you cost more than my rent.
Shoebox (Penny): But Penny, you look so good in us.
Penny: (To Amy) Damn it, the shoes are right!

Penny: Oh Balls!

Leonard: Did you hear about Howard and Bernadette?
Penny: Of course I heard about it, how did you hear about it?
Leonard: I heard it from Sheldon, he got it from Amy.
Penny: Damn it! I told Amy that in the strictest of confidence. Boy some people are such blabbermouths. Well whatever, I'm sure Bernadette can do better.
Leonard: Do you think a sexually ambivalent Indian astrophysicist with selected mutism and alcohol issues is better than a 100lb Jewish guy who lives with his mom?
Penny: You are kidding! Raj likes Bernadette?
Leonard: I didn't say Raj, who said Raj?
Penny: Okay give, how do you know? Did he tell you?
Leonard: No
Penny: Well then who?
Leonard: I can't say
Penny: Priya told you, oh what a little gossip. Ya know, not an attractive quality in a woman Leonard. Not judging, just my opinion.
Leonard: Well the point is if this got out it would destroy Howard and Raj's friendship.
Penny: You don't have to worry, unlike Amy and Priya, I know how to keep a secret.
Leonard: You're the one who told Amy in the first place.
Penny: In confidence.

Penny: Give my friend his stuff back.
Tod Zarnecki: I don't know what you're talking about.
Penny: Well then good news. Today's the day a girl's finally going to touch you in your little special place. *Kicks him in the groin*

Penny: Amy is right, I do want to fling my poop at her.

Penny: Oh, anyways I'm also writing a screenplay. It's about this sensitive girl who comes to LA from Lincoln, Nebraska, to be an actress and who ends up a waitress at the cheesecake factory.
Leonard: So it's based on your life?
Penny: No, I'm from Omaha!

Penny: We can't keep explaining everything. Read that book we gave you.

Penny: Good morning, slut!
Leonard: What?
Penny: Oh, please! I recognise the walk of shame when I see it. All you're missing is a little smeared mascara and a purse with panties wadded up in it!

Penny: I love where you skip over the part where no one asks.

Sheldon: And then you put it back, compromising the rest of the onion rings.
Penny: Aw honey, the buses don't go where you live do they?

Penny: Come on, I mean, you're not upset that your marriage is over?
Beverly: Well, initially I felt something akin to grief and perhaps anger, but that's the natural reaction of the limbic system to being betrayed by a loathsome son of a bitch.
Penny: Sure, sure.

Amy Farrah Fowler: Did you know the iconic heart shape isn't based on an actual human heart, its based on what a woman's rear end looks like bending over
Penny: So in 8th grade, I was dotting my i's with little asses? That's cool.

*Leonard is kissing Penny, and Penny's dad enters*
Penny: Come on, honey, not in front of my dad.
Penny's dad: Relax, I've seen her do a lot worse with a lot stupider.

Penny: Leonard, and Howard, and Raj, they aren't like other guys. They're special.
Alicia: Okay, they're special, and?
Penny: Well let's see how can I explain this. Um. They don't know how to use their shields.
Alicia: Shields?
Penny: Yeah. You know like in Star Trek and you're in battle, and you raise the shields.
*Realizing what she said* Where the hell did that come from?

Penny: All right, time to open bachelor number two.