Raj: I'd love a personal trainer. I haven't seen my abs since they opened a Shake Shack on my drive home.

Sheldon: I started doing some reading on cognitive vitality, and I came across an area of research called "super-aging."
Raj: You know who's a super-ager? Jennifer Lopez. Like, what is her secret?

Raj: Yeah, okay, so, zombies.
Leonard: I guess it depends on the zombies, Raj. Are we talking slow zombies, fast zombies? Like, in 28 Days, if those zombies didn't eat, they starved.
Howard: You're thinking of 28 Days Later. 28 Days is where Sandra Bullock goes to rehab and puts the audience into an un-dead state
Raj: Hey, don't bag on Sandra Bullock! You think it makes you look cultured, but you just come off as bitter.

Raj: I've reconsidered your offer to let me work with you.
Sheldon: For me.
Raj: Yes, for you. I do, however, have a few conditions. First, at all times, I am to be treated as a colleague and an equal. Second, my contributions shall be noted in all published material. And third, you are never allowed to lecture me on Hinduism or my Indian culture.
Sheldon: I'm impressed, Raj. Those are very cogent and reasonable conditions.
Raj: Thank you.
Sheldon: I reject them all.
Raj: Then you leave me no choice. I accept the job.

Raj: Actually, in India, the names of constellations are different. Where you have the Big Dipper, we have the Big Curry Pot.
Summer Glau: You're making that up.
Raj: You got me. Now what are you going to do with me?

Raj: Okay, let's check out the females.
Sheldon: All right. There's a female.
Raj: That's Professor Wilkinson's wife. She's like 80 years old.
Sheldon: But she's female. Isn't that the game?
Raj: No. I'm looking for a hookup.
Sheldon: Oh, yes. So, the point of this exercise is for you to find someone to copulate with?
Raj: Not so loud, but ideally, yes. Thanks.

Raj: It's for Sheldon and Amy.
Stuart: No way! They're engaged?
Raj: Yeah.
Stuart: Well, that's exciting news. Who would've thought Sheldon and Amy would be the next two to tie the knot?
Raj: Tell me about it. I'm the one who caught the bouquet at Leonard and Penny's wedding.

Raj: Hold on. I'm talking to an orc under the bridge in Thunder Bluff who says if we pay him, he'll help us track down your things.
Sheldon: Can we trust him?
Raj: I should say so, he appears to be a member of the Nigerian royal family.

Leonard: Why don't we play this smart? Try a little good goblin, bad goblin.
Priya: Oh, dear Lord.
Howard: Nah, I think we have to be more subtle.
Raj: Okay, I see where this is going. Fine, I'll have sex with him.
Leonard: That's not where it was going.
Raj: Good, because I would hate that.

Sheldon: You know, the joke's on him. Without the certificate of authenticity, that bat'leth is worthless.
Howard: Yeah, he walked right into our trap.
Raj: Legoland seems like a hollow dream now.

Penny: All right, just give her some space, all right? Don't call, don't text, don't e-mail.
Raj: That's crazy. What if I see a sunset that reminds me of her?

Raj: Are you saying that you don't believe two people fall in love?
Ruchi: Of course they do. It's just that what people call "love" is actually a series of biochemical reactions in the brain that fade over time.
Raj: Yes. Like the old song, "When a man has a biochemical reaction for a woman."

Raj: Howard doesn't mean anything by it. I think it's cultural. His people come from a very sarcastic village called Brooklyn.

Raj: All I'm saying is before you attack Ruchi, maybe you should take a long hard look in the mirror, because you know what you'll see, apart from radiant skin and luxuriously thick hair? Hypocrisy!
Bernadette: It is thick.

Leonard: So what are you gonna do with your share of the money?
Raj: Uh, well, as a responsible adult, I'll put that money into a CD, wait for that CD to mature, and then buy a tiger.