Raj: What is wrong with you, Penny? You ruined any chance I had of getting back with Lucy. Now she knows I'm a desperate mess instead of being pretty sure.
Raj: *Checks his phone* It's Lucy. She wants to meet for coffee. I LOVE YOU PENNY!

Raj: Being an astrophysicist right now is like being a rock star.
Howard: Only without the sex.
Raj: Yeah, literally none of it.

Raj: Well, I would never leave you off my list. And not just because without you we're playing fast and loose with the word "list".

Howard: Still lives with his mom? Yikes, right?
Raj: Yeah, I'm not quite sure how to respond.

Howard: What do you mean you didn't get the job? How could you not get it?
Raj: You know, he's British, I'm Indian. Ever since Gandhi, they haven't liked us very much.
Leonard: Are you saying that he discriminated against you? Because we should file a complaint.
Raj:That's okay, a complaint's been filed.

Penny: What else would you love? Other than being lifted over Patrick Swayze's head.
Raj: Oh, you could stand outside with a boombox in the air.
Penny: That's from "Say Anything".
Raj: Look, I'm a lonely guy. I watch a lot of movies.

Sheldon: Nine years, eleven months and three weeks ago, he followed that up replacing the slides for my lecture with photographs of nude fat women bending over.
Amy: Really?
Howard: The lecture was on cosmic gas clouds.
Raj: I was there. It was funny!

Raj: You're a good friend. I'll owe you one.
Mrs. Wolowitz (off-screen): Howard, help me get out of the tub!
*Howard looks at Raj*
Raj: Not that one!

Raj: Well, maybe there's a way to appear nonaggressive, but also be able to protect ourselves if necessary. Like smiling and waving with one hand, but the other hand holding the severed head of a tiger.
Howard: You want to send a passive-aggressive message out into the universe? That's ridiculous.
Raj: Oh, you mean passive-aggressive like posting pictures of you and your wife eating cosmopolitan balls that you know belong in my mouth?

Raj: Have you seen this Archie comic? It's actually Archie versus Predator.
Howard: How could Archie defeat Predator?
Raj: I don't know. Maybe Jughead's a Terminator.

Howard: Okay, how about this for an invention: slightly bigger cocktail umbrellas?
Leonard: How is that a new invention?
Howard: I don't know. All Apple does is change the size of things and we keep buying them.
Raj: It's true. I like my giant iPad and my little iPad almost as much as my regular-sized iPad.

Sheldon: How did you even get it in here?
Raj: That's for me, Ramon, Julio, Jesus and Rodrigo to know and you to find out.

Raj: This is going to be the biggest smackdown since my Aunt Noopur showed up at the family reunion wearing the same sari as my cousin Sruti.

Raj: The Good Wife is on. I tell you, this is my new Grey's Anatomy.

Raj: Okay, if no one else will say it, I will. We really suck at paintball.