Raj: Did you forget what Penny did to you? It took two years and defiling my sister to turn that frown upside down.
Leonard: I didn't defile your sister, we had a relationship.
Raj: I heard you called her Brown Sugar. In my book, that's defilement.

Raj: If they ever make a movie version of that book, you know who should play Leonard's mother? Sandra Bullock.
Howard: Why?
Raj: Because she's great in everything.

Raj: I'm telling you, dude, there's a seat on the Hogwarts Express with your name on it.

Jimmy Speckerman: Okay. What do you think about a pair of glasses that makes any movie you want into 3D?
Raj: That sounds amazing. First movie I'm watching, Annie.

Sheldon: The man Super Glued Hershey's Kisses to your nipples.
Raj: That's funny because those aren't the kind of kisses you want on your nipples.

Raj: That is one tough birdie.

Sheldon: Age seven, a blood-thirsty chicken chases me up a tree. Age twelve, a magpie tries to steal the retainer out of my mouth. Age sixteen, a parrot in a pet store called me fat ass. Need I go on?
Raj: Yes, please. This is way better than the movie.

Raj: I couldn't find you guys, so I bought six new friends! Sadly, three of them are dead.

Raj: You're not only our first astronaut, you're also the first one of us to kick a girl out of bed. You're like a rockstar.
Howard: Little bit.

Penny: This girl is trouble. What kind of relationship is it where you buy her gifts and she gives you sex?
Raj: The best one I've ever had!

Howard: He likes your eyes.
Raj: You're making me sound like a caveman.
Howard: She says, "thank you, and you have nice eyes, too."
Raj: Really? Ask her how many children she wants, and whatever number she says, say me too.
Howard: No.

Raj: Tell her I have a deep sexy voice like James Earl Jones.
Howard: She doesn't know what James Earl Jones sounds like.
Raj: Great. Then she won't know I'm lying.

Howard: She says, do you play an instrument?
Raj: No, but when I was six years old, I tried to start a band called Frankie Goes To Bollywood. But I couldn't get any boys to join, so my parents asked the servants to be my backing dancers. Wait, when you sign servants, don't sign it like I'm bragging. Sign it in a way that I sound humble with just a hint of, that's right, I had servants.
Howard: Do you hear yourself?
Raj: Yes, but she doesn't. So get signing, hand monkey.

Raj: You know who I blame for my loneliness? The United States of America. Your movies and your TV shows promised streets paved with beautiful blond women with big bazongas.
Howard: Eat another pie, youll have your own bazongas.
Raj: That's cruel. You know it goes straight to my hips.

Howard: She says it's nice to meet you.
Raj: Does she really mean that or was she signing it sarcastically?