Leonard: What do you guys think I should do?
Raj: I say you tell Alex your heart belongs to Penny, I provide her a shoulder to cry on, and then roughly half a year later I give it to her good.

Howard: Do you really think you should be drinking right now?
Raj: How else am I supposed to talk to the Human Resources lady?
Howard: I don't know. Seek professional help?
Raj: I did. The guy at the liquor store said this stuff tastes great in coffee.

Howard: Okay, she's gone.
Raj: Sorry. I lost my cool.
Leonard: So, what's going on?
Raj: Okay, here's the deal .Six months ago, my research testing the predicted composition of trans-Neptunian objects ran into a dead end.
Howard: So?
Raj: So, my visa's only good as long as I'm employed at the university. And when they find out I've got squat, theyre going to cut me off. By the way, when I say squat, I mean diddly-squat. I wish I had squat.

Leonard: Don't worry. You'll find another job.
Raj: Yeah, let me start practicing for it. "Do you want fries with that Maharaja Mac?"

Raj: What are you eating?
Sheldon: Elbow macaroni with ground hamburger and tomato sauce.
Raj: Oh, beefaroni. I think I'll miss you most of all.

Professor Laughlin: Dr. Koothrappali, come on in. I was surprised to hear you were interested In joining our little team. Giving up on those trans-Neptunian objects, are we?
Raj: No, no, it's a very promising area. In a perfect world I'd spend several more years on it. But I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to work with you on your tremendously exciting and not yet conclusively disproved hypothesis.

Professor Laughlin: Splendid. Uh, please sit down. Can I offer you a sherry?
Raj: It's a little early, isn't it?
Professor Laughlin: Not on Proxima Centauri.
Raj: That's very good. Jolly amusing, but if you don't mind, I'll hold off until sunset on titan.
Professor Laughlin: Oh, well done. I have a feeling you're going to fit in just fine, Dr. Koothrappali.

Professor Laughlin: Dr. Koothrappali, may I present Dr. Millstone from MIT. She'll be heading up our data analysis team.
Dr. Millstone: It's nice to meet you, Dr. Koothrappali. I read your paper on Kuiper belt object size distribution. I really enjoyed it. How did you correct for the selection bias?
Raj: (After drinking a large sherry) Well, I ran a simulation that allowed me to correct for the observational efficiency.
Dr. Millstone: That's just fascinating.
Raj: Thank you. Would you like to hear more about it in my hot tub? ... So, when do I start?

Raj: I've reconsidered your offer to let me work with you.
Sheldon: For me.
Raj: Yes, for you. I do, however, have a few conditions. First, at all times, I am to be treated as a colleague and an equal. Second, my contributions shall be noted in all published material. And third, you are never allowed to lecture me on Hinduism or my Indian culture.
Sheldon: I'm impressed, Raj. Those are very cogent and reasonable conditions.
Raj: Thank you.
Sheldon: I reject them all.
Raj: Then you leave me no choice. I accept the job.

Howard: A time machine from the movie The Time Machine?
Leonard: No, a time machine from Sophie's Choice.
Raj: Boy, Sophie could have used a time machine in that movie. Did you see it? It's rough.

Howard: It's actually a tremendous bargain, even with shipping it works out to less than four dollars a pound.
Raj: Cocktail shrimp are $12.50.

Leonard: Look, do you want to buy me out or not?
Raj: I'll give you a hundred dollars, which will make me half owner, and we'll put it on my balcony.
Howard: Screw his balcony, I'll give you a hundred and twenty and we'll put it in my garage.
Leonard: I paid two hundred dollars for my share.
Raj: Dude, everyone knows a time machine loses half its value the minute you drive it off the lot.

Leonard: He offered me a fair price for the whole collection.
Sheldon: What's the number? I'll match it.
Raj: I'll match it, plus a thousand rupees.
Sheldon: What's the exchange rate?
Raj: None of your business.

Howard: Just for the record, we're not in an ersatz homosexual relationship.
Raj: Well, then why didn't you say that to her?
Howard: Why is it always my responsibility?
Raj: It's not always your responsibility. I swear, this is the same thing you did at the comic book store last week.
Howard: I can't believe you're bringing that up.
Raj: I didn't bring it up. You did.
Howard: We'll talk about this later.
Raj: You always say that, but we never do.

Raj: And that bright little star peeking her head out early today, that's Venus.
Summer Glau: That is so cool. You really know a lot about space.
Raj: Come on. When you were on TV in Firefly, you were actually in space.
Summer Glau: You're not one of those guys who really believe that, are you?
Raj: You mean one of the hopeless geeks? No. Those are crazy people. Howard, be a dear and get me another one of these. Now, him, he's one of those geeks.