Howard: Okay, forget who's hotter. The first time Priya came to LA, Leonard and I made a pact out of respect to our friendship, and to you, that neither of us would hit on her.
Raj: Did you pinky swear?
Howard: Yes.
Raj: Okay then.

Raj: I don't believe it. This is a terrible betrayal of my trust.
Leonard: No, no, no, would it help if I told you that I offered her my heart and she kind of stomped on it.
Raj: How hard did she stomp?
Leonard: Very hard.
Raj: Okay, I'm good.

Howard: Yeah, well, Raj, I just want to say that I'd never betray your trust. Unlike Leonard, I respect you.
Leonard: Really?
Howard: Mmm.
Leonard: Was it out of respect that you didn't tell Raj about the time you dropped his iPhone in a urinal?
Raj: Dude! I put that thing on my face!

Raj: Ok, two words. Deaf chick. It doesn't matter if I can't talk because she can't hear me.
Leonard: What?
Raj: That's what she said.

Raj: Oh Leonard, you remind me of the funny old story of the man who walks into a Women's Correctional Facility with a stack of paperwork that would allow the female convicts to go free.
Leonard: You're saying I couldn't get laid in woman's prison with a handful of pardons.
Raj: Are you going to let me tell the story or not?

Howard: (Cell phone rings) Excuse me. That's my girlfriend, Bernadette. I assigned her her own ringtone, Bernadette by The Four Tops. Hello, Bernadette.
Raj: When I call him, his phone plays Brown Eyed Girl. Which, now that I think about it, is not so good.

Raj: Oh, you're so arrogant. If you were a super hero your name would be Captain Arrogant. And do you know what your super power would be? Arrogance.

Raj: This is not over!

Raj: Sorry, dude. The thermostat's on my side of the room, so it stays Mumbai hot in here until you turn off that stupid Indian music.
Sheldon: I'll turn off the music when you get rid of that salmonella-ridden parakeet.
Raj: Oh, too bad. Sheldon's pathologically afraid of birds. Hey, look, Sheldon. Birdie, birdie, birdie.
Sheldon: That's it. Prepare for marshmallow death.
Raj: Eat flaming Nerf.

Sheldon: Why do you even want this here? Its size is completely disproportionate to its purpose.
Raj: Well, seeing as its purpose was to piss you off, I'd say it's spot on.

Sheldon: Hello. I see you decided to go with pathetic and frightened.
Raj: It's one of his best moves.

Sheldon: How did you even get it in here?
Raj: That's for me, Ramon, Julio, Jesus and Rodrigo to know and you to find out.

Raj: I'm a lamb!

Raj: You slipped and fell into a robotic hand.
Wolowitz: Yes.
Raj: Penis first?
Wolowitz: Yes.

Raj: You know there's something I've always wondered about Aquaman.
Leonard: Yeah?
Raj: Where does he poop?
Leonard: What?
Raj: What do the toilets look like in Atlantis? How would you flush it? And when you did flush it, where would the poop go?