Leonard: How's dating two women going?
Raj: Umm, kinda hit a bump. When I was honest and told Emily she wasn't the only person I was seeing, it went great. So I tried the same thing with Lucy.
Howard: And?
Raj: She had mixed feelings. But when I said "Emily was cool with it, Emily's the best, why can't you be more like Emily?", those feelings became less mixed.

Raj: You're not wrong about Fruit Stripe. I-I was always a Hubba Bubba man.
Howard: Hubba Bubba over Dubble Bubble? You're crazy.
Raj: Hey, the jaw wants what it wants.

Raj: Ha-ha! Eat my dust, racially stereotypical plumber.
Sheldon: That's not fair! I got stuck behind a tree.
Raj: And a cow, and a penguin. Face it dude, whether it's a real car or a virtual car, you can't drive.
Sheldon: Just need a little more practice.
Raj: What you need is cheat codes, motor skills and a genie who grants wishes to little boys who sucks at MarioKart.

Bernadette: Raj, your tag's sticking out. *Bernadette tucks Raj's clothing tag back in*
Raj: Thank you. That's the closest I've come to sex in like two years.
Bernadette: Now I feel a little gross.
Raj: You're only making it seem more real for me.

Raj: When I moved to America I was pretty lonely, but when I met Howard my life changed because we could be lonely together.

Leonard: Did you get to play with Rajesh's big Telescope last night?
*Rajesh and Wolowitz Freak out*
Wolowitz: Where did that come from?
Rajesh: He never touched my telescope.

Leonard: Would you please take that stupid hat off?
Howard: No, I want to blend in.
Raj: To what? Toy Story?

Yvette: You're the owner?
Raj: Owner. Father. Soul mate. And, if anything happens to her, your (Leonard & Penny) worst nightmare!

Raj: These methods of meditation come from the ancient gurus of India, and have helped me overcome my own fears.
Sheldon: And yet, you can't speak to women.
Raj: True, but thanks to it I am able to stay in the same room with them without urinating.

Sheldon: Obviously, we're no longer a Justice League. We have no choice but to switch to our Muppet Baby costumes.
Raj: Ooh, I call Kermit.
Sheldon: I'm Kermit. You're Scooter.
Raj: Oh, man. Scooter sucks. He's the Aquaman of the Muppet Babies.

Raj: You always do this, you know, ditch me for a woman you don't have a shot with.
Howard: I totally had a shot.
Raj: With a woman you were chasing in a park. That's not a shot, that's a felony.

Raj: Come on, dude, I'm exhausted and Tyra Banks says the most important item in your makeup bag is a good night's sleep.

Raj: Can we at least rent the car from Enterprise? (nobody reacts) Oh, screw you! That's funny!

Leonard: What if you could make Kripke look even sillier than he made you look?
Raj: I don't think that's possible, dude.
Leonard: You're not helping.
Raj: I didn't come here to help, I came here to mock.

Raj: Ooh, Leonard is going all alpha nerd on Sheldon's ass.