Raj: Ooh! Girls' night, girls' night. Ooh, ooh!
Stuart: How does he not hear that?

Raj: What's wrong with people? Why don't they stop?
Sheldon: Maybe we're better off. What if we were to get in a car with a crazy person?
Leonard: Look at us, Sheldon. We're the crazy people!

Raj: Can we at least rent the car from Enterprise? (nobody reacts) Oh, screw you! That's funny!

Raj: I feel like I've been called down to the principal's office. Although I wouldn't mind if Brown Sugar suspended me. From a sex swing. (Looking at his flask) This may have been a mistake.

Raj: Insurance will replace your car, it won't defunk my junk.

Raj: I wonder what the non-pathetic people are doing tonight.

Raj: Please don't send me back to India, it's so crowded! Its like the whole country's one endless Comic-Con, except everybody is wearing the same costume; Indian guy!

Howard: Wow, so you guys are like buds now?
Raj: Oh, yeah, we hang out all the time.
Stuart: Plus, he doesn't have a girlfriend, I don't have a girlfriend.
Raj: It's like we both had these holes in our lives, but now we fill each other's holes.
Stuart: That sounds a little funny to an American ear.
Raj: Which part?
Stuart: Just all of it.

Raj: When I moved to America I was pretty lonely, but when I met Howard my life changed because we could be lonely together.

Raj: Bad news, the Nigerian prince maybe a fraud.

Raj: I know they're poison, but they look like big, yummy otter pops.

Raj: Lock up your daughters, we're going to hit it and quit it.

Raj: These mimosas are kicking my little brown ass!

Raj: No, I'm not gay. If anything, I'm metrosexual.
Dr. Koothrappali: What's that?
Raj: It means that I like women, as well as their skin-care products.

Lakshmi: I'm gay.
Raj: Like dude-on-dude but with women?