Sheldon: What is happening? Everybody's supposed to be eating Chinese food.
Amy: Well, actually, I believe the Chinese may have invented the sandwich. Their dish "rou jia moâ" literally means "meat between bread." So, it looks like all of us, including Penny, are eating Chinese food.
Raj: Except for you, Sheldon. You're eating crow.

Raj: Hey, Howard, look. What's that?
Howard: Huh. Looks like someone's drone.
Raj: Oh, no. Do you think it was spying on us in the hot tub? 'Cause I'm only 40% of the way to my beach bod.

Raj: Oh, that's plenty to go on. We can't give up. We got to find her.
Bernadette: You just want to find her 'cause she's cute.
Raj: Not just because she's cute. She also owns a pretty expensive drone, which means she has money and doesn't mind wasting it. And I I like that in a woman.

Leonard: Don’t be ridiculous, Raj. You’re here legally.
Raj: Nobody cares. Do you know how long it's been since I got through airport security without being given a colonoscopy?

Raj: Well, this place is creepy.
Howard: Why?
Raj: Well, did you see his vegetable garden? Heirloom tomatoes in April. Creepy.

Howard: So, how was your date?
Raj: It was going well until my eye dripped in her latte.

Penny: Look at that! I discovered a comet! Oh!
Raj: What do you mean you discovered it?
Penny: Well, I'm the one who saw it.
Raj: In my telescope that I positioned. All you did was look into it.
Leonard: Well, you both discovered it. You can put both your names on the registration form.
Raj: Actually, we can't.
Leonard: Why not?
Raj: Because when I filled it out, it asked for name of discoverer, and I put "Rajesh Koothrappali" because because that's who I am, and that's what I did.

Raj: Well, I'm sorry she's upset. But she didn't discover it.
Leonard: Oh, come on, you know she was a part of it. Just add her name to the registration.
Raj: But I already told everyone at work that I did it. My boss was so excited, he started calling me Captain Comet. Which is better than his last nickname for me: Dr. Doughnuts. Because one time I had two doughnuts. And two times I had three doughnuts.

Raj: You don't understand. Leonard, I need this. My last big discovery was: if you press your upper lip hard enough, you can block a sneeze.
Leonard: I told you that.

Raj: I'm sorry.
Penny: I haven't even said anything yet.
Raj: I know, but I heard your footsteps coming up the stairs, and they sounded angry.

Raj: I was being I was being a jerk. We did this together, and I hogged all of the credit. And after you've been such a good friend to me over the years. Like, I wouldn't even be able to talk to women if it wasn't for you, so so I'm I'm gonna make sure that your name is on the comet.
Penny: Thank you.
Raj: Even if it's professionally embarrassing. You know, or maybe put me on thin ice at work. I may lose my funding. I still, uh still want to make this right.
Penny: Good. Bye.
Raj: That worked way better with Leonard.

Raj: What's wrong with you dude, that woman was all up in my jammy.
Leonard: Okay, I hate to break this to you and whatever your jammy is, but, I'm pretty sure she is a prostitute.
Raj: What? No.
Leonard: Okay, let me put it this way, in your entire life, how many gorgeous women have walked straight up to you in a bar and asked if you wanted to party.
Raj: Maybe I can save her.
Leonard: Maybe, but I'm guessing it will cost you about $500 an hour to try.
Raj: It was lovely meeting you, best of luck in your future endeavors.

Mikayla: You want the girlfriend experience.
Leonard: Yes, yeah, exactly, the girlfriend experience.
Raj: Uh, actually, if it's not too much to ask, could we have the Jewish girlfriend experience.

Sheldon: Well, if Amy's too busy, that gives the rest of you an opportunity to make my life easier, thus assuring yourselves a footnote in my memoirs, tentatively entitled "You're Welcome, Mankind". All right, then, just shout when you hear the task you want to undertake. Uh, dentist. Okay, we can circle back to that one. Um, well, who wants to take me Wednesday morning to get new heels put on my dress shoes? Anyone? Oh. That one had hoot written all over it. Um, all right, uh, dermatologist? Allergist? Podiatrist? Supercuts? Okay, okay, here's a fun one. Um, I need a new picture frame and I have a hankering for Swedish meatballs. Who wants to spend the day with me at IKEA?
Raj: Their meatballs are pretty good.
Sheldon: What's that?
Raj: Nothing, nothing.

Howard: Hey. Missed you guys at the faculty mixer.
Raj: Ah, you should have been there; dessert was bananas. Sorry, that was misleading. The dessert was pie, but the pie was bananas. Actually, the pie was cherry, but the taste of the pie was bananas.