Amy: Well, it sounds like a nice night. We should go.
Sheldon: Wine again? Yeah, no, thank you. I like my grapes the old-fashioned way, in a juice box.

Bernadette: So what do you want to do tonight?
Sheldon: Oh, I have quite the evening planned. Our foetus-friendly festival of fun begins with an in-depth look at the world of model trains, and then we'll kick things up a notch and explore all the different ways that you can make toast.
Bernadette: There's more than one?
Sheldon: You've heard of French toast?
Bernadette: (upbeat) Yeah.
Sheldon: Cinnamon toast?
Bernadette: (upbeat) Yeah.
Sheldon: Melba toast?
Bernadette: (upbeat) Yeah.
Sheldon: You get where I'm going here?
Bernadette: (downbeat) Yeah.

Sheldon: Your name is Bernatrix. You are a warrior queen. You're strong, beautiful and tall.
Bernadette: Oh. I like the idea of being tall.
Sheldon: I think you're gonna like a lot of things I have in store. For example, in this world, only the men get pregnant, so your husband is home trying not to pee when he laughs.
Bernadette: This is getting fun. What's next?
Sheldon: You're parched and weary from battle. You stand in front of a tavern that serves the coldest, most delicious ale in all the realm.
Bernadette: Oh, I haven't had a drink in months.
Sheldon: What do you do?
Bernadette: I storm in, slam my sword down, and say, barkeep, bring me the strongest ale you have and serve it in the skull of a goblin.
Sheldon: He wants to see I.D.

Raj: Did you guys see there's an Avengers screening? Joss Whedon's gonna show some deleted scenes and do a question and answer session.
Sheldon: Oh, well, I have a few questions for him about the last Avengers movie, and a whole lot of answers.

Sheldon: Hey, good news, I just got off the phone with my mother. She is coming to the wedding.
Penny: Okay, wait, you're inviting people to our wedding?
Sheldon: Yes, I'm inviting people to our wedding. Yeah, I've already asked Stephen Hawking and Robert Downey Jr, and, now don't get your hopes up, 'cause he's pretty busy, but Erno Rubik.
Bernadette: Who's Erno Rubik?
Sheldon: Seriously? He invented the Rubik's Cube.
Penny: Okay, fine, but why would you invite him to our wedding?
Sheldon: Because, despite his fame and fortune, he strikes me as a lonely man.

Mary Cooper: Thank you for picking me up.
Sheldon: Oh, you're welcome.
Mary Cooper: I was speaking to your young lady.
Amy: My pleasure, Mrs. Cooper.
Mary Cooper: Oh, please call me Mary.
Amy: Okay, Mary.
Sheldon: You know, that doesn't work for me, let's stay with Mrs. Cooper.
Mary Cooper: Sheldon, don't be silly.
Sheldon: Wh-, what? That's what I called you 'til I got to know you better.

Leonard: All right, you two, don't start. Penny and I are throwing this second wedding for your benefit. Can you please not ruin it?
Alfred Hofstadter: Of course. I'm sorry.
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, look at that, you can apologize.
Leonard: Mom.
Beverly Hofstadter: I'm sorry.
Mary Cooper: You know, the Bible says forgiveness-
Sheldon: Mom.
Mary Cooper: I'm sorry.
Penny: Uh, who's hungry? We have a reservation at the best restaurant in town.
Sheldon: It only got three-and-a-half stars on Yelp.
Amy: Sheldon.
Sheldon: I'm not sorry. That's true.

Sheldon: Did you know that when Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, he proposed answering it with "ahoy"?

Sheldon: Bailment describes a relationship in common law where a physical possession of personal property, or chattels, is transferred from one person, the bailor, to another person, the bailee.
Penny: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, look, look. I started a business.
Sheldon: Obviously, not a cleaning business.

Sheldon: Remarkable. In just under a half hour, 200 metric tons of fuel will ignite in a controlled explosion right beneath Howard's keister. And all from a country whose entire contribution to the global economy has been Tetris and mail-order brides.

All: By the power vested in us, by the state of California...
Sheldon: And the Klingon High Council...

Leonard: Who's miserable and alone?
Raj: Me.
Leonard: Oh, I used to be like that. Then I got a girlfriend.
Sheldon: In pre-1976 terms, neener-neener.

Leonard: Okay, I know what'll cheer you up, let's play one of your driving games.
Sheldon: All right. This game is called Traitors. I will name three historical figures, you put them in order of the heinousness of their betrayal. Benedict Arnold, Judas, Dr. Leonard Hofstadter.
Leonard: You really think I belong with Benedict Arnold and Judas?
Sheldon: You're right. Judas had the decency to hang himself after what he did.

*Raj sneezes*
Sheldon: Hold.
Raj: What?
Sheldon: Explain your sneeze.
Raj: I'm sorry?
Sheldon: Do you have allergies?
Raj: No.
Sheldon: Is there too much pepper on your salad?
Raj: I don't put pepper on salads.
Sheldon: I've heard enough. Sit over there.

Sheldon: Vocal test. Morning vocal test. Second vocal test. Second morning vocal test.