Sheldon: Oh, you know. The Lone Star state. That should be its Yelp rating.

Sheldon: It says here that up to 80% of new mothers experience baby blues. And that the best thing to do is reassure them that they're doing a good job. Bernadette, you are doing a good job.
Bernadette: Thank you, Sheldon, I'm feeling better now.
Sheldon: Thank you, Internet. I'm telling you, with the right YouTube video, I can give Howard a vasectomy.

Amy: Aww, I remember signing our first Relationship Agreement.
Sheldon: You seem to be forgetting the "no nostalgia" clause.

Sheldon: Now, when the robots rise up, they'll know that I've been rooting for them the whole time.

Sheldon: Two years ago I got my driver's license.
Amy: What? Why didn't you say anything?!
Sheldon: I like being chauffeured around. It makes me feel important.
Amy: So when I got up at 4:00 AM to drive you across the desert to an antique train museum, I didn't have to?
Sheldon: No, you didn't. But keep in mind, I felt extremely important.

Sheldon: *knock*.
Penny: Hey, what's up?
Sheldon: Ummmm.
Penny: You want me to close the door so you can do your knocking thing?

Amy: Wait, are you saying if we combine my experiment with your calculations, we can determine the precise moment in time when the wave function collapses?
Sheldon: It could be the most inspired combination since I mixed red Icee into my blue Icee. It was like drinking 2/7ths of the rainbow.
Amy: Sheldon, this is really interesting.
Sheldon: Yeah and this one won't stain my teeth purple.

Sheldon: You know, I felt the same way about the spork. Uh, solids and liquids handled by one utensil? That'll never work. Spoiler: works.

Sheldon: We don't need Howard's cousin, no. We have me.
Leonard: You're not a lawyer, Sheldon, you're just a know-it-all.
Sheldon: I am not a know-it-all. I'm a person who knows lots of things and likes to correct other people when they're wrong.
Leonard: That's the definition of being a know-it-all.
Sheldon: Or in German, a Besserwisser.

Marty: Howard, why is he yelling at me?
Sheldon: All right, you were on Jeopardy. Allow me to Alex Trebek this and put it in the form of a question: Who has been a complete waste of our time?
Howard: Marty, let me call you back.
Leonard: Someday, when I'm up on murder charges, you'll be hearing from me.
Sheldon: You don't need him. I'll represent you.

Colonel Williams: And because of the quantum vortices, this can run perpetually?
Leonard: Exactly. Yeah, you have a good grasp of the physics.
Colonel Williams: Well, I'm a scientist by training.
Howard: Really? You're a physicist?
Colonel Williams: Better. I'm an engineer.
(Sheldon stops himself from speaking)

Amy: There's nothing to be afraid of, Sheldon.
Sheldon: The average cork speed is 25 miles per hour. If that is too fast around a school, it is certainly too fast around a kitchen.
Amy: Been 15 minutes. Just sayin'.
Sheldon: Okay, I can do this. Just give me a moment. (Cork pops and Sheldon shrieks) Oh! Mimosas coming up.

Sheldon: So, in the spirit of cohabitation, the theme of today's episode is flags of two regions coming together as one.
Amy: Such as the flag of St. Kitts and Nevis.
Sheldon: So, let's roll up our "sleevis" and get to know Nevis.
*Howard plays a rimshot sound*
Sheldon: Well, I-I like that, but next time check with me.

Amy: It's kind of exciting. I mean we could do whatever we want.
Sheldon: But what if we move and we don't like it? What if there's a smoker in the building? Or pets? Or there could be mold. There could be traffic noise.
*Amy humming the theme from Star Trek*
Sheldon: I'm gonna have to learn a whole new bus route. Are you trying to soothe me by singing the Star Trek theme as a lullaby?
Amy: Yes.
Sheldon: I'm not a child, don't do that.
Amy: Sorry.
Sheldon: Do you know 2001: A Space Odyssey?
*Amy humming "Also sprach Zarathustra*
Sheldon: All right, now that's soothing.

Amy: What are you doing?
Sheldon: I'm just contemplating Buridan's donkey.
Amy: I understand. I'll leave you be.
Sheldon: What, you're familiar with the reference?
Amy: Of course. Jean Buridan proposed a philosophical thesis stating that a hungry donkey placed between two equidistant bales of hay would be paralyzed by indecision and would starve to death.
Sheldon: Exactly.
Amy: Well, I wouldn't want you to starve to death, so here's an eggplant.
Sheldon: Thank you.
Amy: You know, some people believe that Buridan was plagiarizing Aristotle.
Sheldon: Really?
Amy: Although, in Aristotle's example, he proposed an equally hungry and thirsty man caught between food and drink.
Sheldon: Huh. Yeah, I wonder if that's related to the 12th century Persian philosopher, Al-Ghazali and his story of a man caught between two dates.
Amy: Are you suggesting Al-Ghazali was Aristotelian? 'Cause if anything, he was anti-Aristotelian.
Sheldon: Al-Ghazali was anti-Aristotelian? Boy, you think you know a guy.