Leonard: Look, even your friend Wil Wheaton thinks this is a waste of time.
Sheldon: Not true. Wil thinks this is a great idea. He was just concerned he wasn't a big enough celebrity to headline such an event. Also it's the same day he shampoos his beard.

Sheldon: So, often on the front of the locomotive is a large iron wedge for clearing objects off the tracks. Now, while commonly known as a cowcatcher, I prefer the more accurate "cow exploder."

Sheldon: Danger! Danger!

Sheldon: I'll walk you through it. This game is not called Words with Strangers. No, it's not even called Words with Acquaintances. It's called Words with-
Raj: I'm not finishing your sentence. You pulled the plug on my funk.
Sheldon: Friends! It's Words with Friends. Which Stephen Hawking and I officially are. Now all I need is a bunk bed with a slide, and I'll have everything I've ever wanted since I was six years old.

Sheldon: Wait, is this really worth it? We've lived together for years without ne'ery an argument, but we start talking about a table and suddenly we're at each other's throats.
Leonard: Ne'ery an argument?! Ne'ery!?!
Sheldon: That means not one or not any. Maybe instead of a table you should buy a dictionary.
Sheldon: (To himself) Well, I don't know whether I won that but at least he's upset.

Sheldon: I have spent years turning this lump of clay in to an acceptable conduit for my will. Then you came along and reshaped him with your new fangled ideas and fancy genitals.

Sheldon: Now, we can play this one of two ways. You can say, "Trains! Tell me more," or, you can just look at me like that and I'll start.

Sheldon: No, you've opened my eyes to the truth. Amy has made me a more affectionate, open-minded person. And that stops now.

Sheldon: You're wrong again. If arrogance were my super power, my name would be Dr. Arroganto.

Sheldon: I can see the ranch, Leonard! Oh, it's rustic, it's lovely. I'd take a picture, but people are chasing me. I'm going to make it! I'm going to make it! They have tasers, but they wouldn't dare use-- Aaaaaaah!

Sheldon: Give us the precious!

Sheldon: I bought you and Bernadette a gravy boat worth eighty-eight dollars. Which places me in your debt and I can't be in your debt because someday you might ask me to help you move. Or to kill a man.
Leonard: I doubt he'll ask you to kill a man.
Sheldon: Well, what if it's his only way out? I can't risk it.

Raj: He'll have a Shirley Temple.
Sheldon: And don't be chintzy with the Shirley.

Sheldon: And, for all the times you find me irritating, today you got to watch someone shoot me with a taser.
Leonard: That part was pretty good.
Sheldon: See.
Leonard: You did flop around a lot.
Sheldon: I'll take your word for it. I was too busy trying not to defecate.

Sheldon: Why don't you tell them I take tolls at the Golden Gate Bridge? A Rocket Scientist, how humiliating!