DMV Worker: Application?
Sheldon: I'm actually more of a theorist.
Howard: The application in your hand, give it to her.
Sheldon: Oh.

Sheldon: Wil Wheaton wants you to be on Professor Proton.
Amy: That's nice, but I'm not really interested.
Sheldon: What do you mean? But he wants to talk about women in science. You're a woman, you're in science. You go, girl.

Sheldon: Well, regardless, I can change.
Howard: Sure.
Raj: Yeah, of course you can.
Sheldon: You know, everybody thinks I'm so predictable. Well, tomorrow I'm gonna show up at work and do something no one will expect.
Howard: Wear a baseball cap backwards to prove your point?
Sheldon: ... Yes, but which hat?
Raj: Gryffindor.
Sheldon: Well, now that you guessed it, I'm not gonna do it.
Raj: Yeah, you will.
Sheldon: Yeah.

Sheldon: I'm sorry. It's, I'm trying to show you that I can change. I don't want you to miss out on things because of me.
Amy: I know you don't.
Sheldon: You know, and maybe somewhere out there, there is a little girl who will see you on Wil's show and realize that she, too, can grow up to be a brilliant, amazing, successful scientist.
Amy: Thank you.
Sheldon: Who is really terrible at chess.
Amy: Got it.
Sheldon: No, no, no. I mean really bad. What was your queen doing over there, going shopping?

Sheldon: I believe today is Bernadette's due date.
Howard: Yeah. How do you know that?
Sheldon: Easy. 40 weeks from the date of her last period.
Howard: And why do you know that?
Sheldon: Well, excuse me for taking an interest in people.

Sheldon: See, see. Look at my Netflix queue. There's two documentaries and the movie Friends with Benefits, which I thought was a documentary about employer health care plans.

Sheldon: Hello.
Bernadette: Let me guess. You're here to try to get me to go into labor.
Sheldon: Oh, please. I'm disgusted when people sneeze, and that's just stuff coming out of their nose.

Bernadette: Ah, come on!
Sheldon: Welcome to the next five to eight weeks of your life.
Bernadette: Sheldon, I said I didn't want to play your game.
Sheldon: Well, then don't think of it as a game. Think of it as a source of information about one of the lesser known campaigns of World War II.
Bernadette: You're right. That's so much better.
Sheldon: I know, right?

Sheldon: Okay, first, we need to roll to determine the weather.
Bernadette: It's a desert. Isn't it gonna be hot?
Sheldon: (rolling dice, looking at the manual, rolling dice again, looking at the manual again) ... Yes.

Amy: I think I got Bernadette in trouble. Maybe we should go.
Sheldon: I-I can't. She and I are playing Campaign for North Africa.
Amy: (sighs) She doesn't want to play that.
Sheldon: Neither did the Egyptians, but that didn't stop Rommel.

Sheldon: All right, that moves us on to the tactical shipping phase. Penny, I believe, as logistics commander, that's you.
Penny: Okay. [waving a white napkin] I surrender.
Sheldon: Nice try, Penny. It takes more than everybody not enjoying it to stop a game with Sheldon Cooper.

Sheldon: Don't worry. I don't expect you to bear them all. I'm sure we can find a suitable uterus to rent. [looks to Penny]
Leonard: No!
Penny: Uh-uh!
Amy: We weren't thinking about you.
Sheldon: Of course not. (grunts) I am going to the kitchen. Can I get anybody anything? Penny, nice glass of milk and a multivitamin?

Howard: Do I smell hot dogs?
Sheldon: No. I mean, I have no idea what you smell.
Howard: I definitely smell raw hot dog.
Sheldon: Perhaps you're getting a brain tumor.

Penny: Ooh, I'm gonna get the cheesecake out of the fridge.
Sheldon: Oh, Lord, I'm in Jewish hell.

Sheldon: Did Albert Einstein ever sit in any of these chairs?
Kathleen: I think these are fairly new. But Stephen Hawking's eaten here a lot.
Sheldon: Yeah, but he brings his own chair, you know?