Howard: This isn't complicated. Do you love Amy?
Sheldon: Yes.
Raj: Do you like living with her?
Sheldon: Yes.
Leonard: Do you know what you need to do now?
Sheldon: Apparently, figure this out on my own 'cause you guys are no help at all.

Amy: Well, Sheldon I see astrocytes. Our combined skin cells are now a primitive neural network.
Sheldon: I have such a profound sense of creation. I jus- It's like when I hatched Sea-Monkeys, except that this is from my DNA, so this is like Me-Monkeys.
Amy: These cells come from both of us.
Sheldon: Yeah, but Us-Monkeys doesn't pop. Oh, oh, oh, oh, wait! We-Monkeys. There you go.

Sheldon: Hey, where are you going? Did you even look at my bottom?

Leonard: Hey, buddy, why don't we go for a walk, so you can calm down.
Sheldon: That's a good idea. I guess everyone's having them now.
Leonard: Hey, I'm trying to help you.
Sheldon: Fine. You can walk ahead of me and scare off the pigeons.
Leonard: (To the girls) You just wave your arms a little and they fly away, it's not--

Sheldon: Leonard, I'm having a primal urge to throw this rock.
Leonard: Do it. Visualize it as your anger and toss it out of your life.
Sheldon: Perhaps I will. This rock encapsulates all my negative emotions. I will cast you far away. Feel free to take out a pigeon while you're at it.
Leonard: Let it fly.

Amy: You know, Sheldon, instead of fixating on what Bert has, you should appreciate all of the good things in your life. You've got love, you're in good health, you've got a roof over your head.
Sheldon: Yeah, but you've got all those things, and no one's lining up to be you.
Amy: Anybody else want to try? I'm gonna go make some more tea and question my life choices.

Amy: I can't believe you head-butted a water fountain.
Sheldon: No, I went to punch the water fountain, slipped in water in front of the water fountain, and hit my head on the water fountain.

Sheldon: I was hoping by admitting my weakness to you, I'd somehow be unburdened.
Bert: Is it working?
Sheldon: No. Now that you know my weakness, I hate you more than ever.

Leonard: You know what, Sheldon, take it. In fact, you can have everything. I really don't care.
Sheldon: Are you sure? These items represent our shared times together.
Leonard: Well, now they're yours.
Penny: Leonard.
Leonard: Well, you know what's gonna happen. He's just gonna come up with some reason why everything should be his.
Sheldon: For a man so good at predicting my moves, how come you stink at 3-D chess?

Sheldon: So, there are fresh linens on the bed and - Oh. Well, now, I see you've met Theodore. Theodore, these are your new roommates, Leonard and Penny. They're very honest, but I would not leave cash lying around.

Penny: All right, Sheldon, this is over the line.
Sheldon: That's true, but had I done something under the line, there wouldn't be a man in your kitchen who can't produce a single form of ID.
Theodore: Oh, oh, I have a receipt from a blood bank. I'm O-negative.
Sheldon: And now you know as much about him as I do.

Leonard: Sheldon, get out here!
Sheldon: Will you keep it down? What kind of vengeful bed and breakfast do you think I'm running?

Amy: I got a Gryffindor robe for you.
Sheldon: (exhales) Oh A Gryffindor sleeping with a Hufflepuff? How scandalous.

Leonard: I've come to peace with my relationship with my parents. That was a big milestone for me.
Sheldon: Oh, speaking of personal growth, I recently tried eating Swiss chard. You know, I didn't swallow it, but Amy said it counted.

Amy: But understanding how other people are feeling, that's a weak spot for you.
Sheldon: I have gotten much better at that.
Amy: Have you? How am I feeling right now?
Sheldon: What the - How should I know? Excited? Itchy? Give me the first letter.