Sheldon: Have you suffered a recent blow to the head?
Penny: Hey, you don't have to be so mean.
Sheldon: Oh, I'm sorry, (smiling) have you suffered a recent blow to the head?

Sheldon: That does smell good, too bad it's Monday.

Sheldon: You know, I am very disappointed that I won't be able to celebrate Howard's accomplishment tonight.
Amy: Me, too. But we'll see him tomorrow.
Sheldon: Yes, it's just that in all the years I've known him, he's never had the opportunity to receive my admiration. I was excited to see the look on his face when it finally happened.

Amy: Sorry I'm late. (Sees Sheldon's new hair style) What did you do?
Penny: I gave him a new look. Cute, huh?
Amy: Yeah, it's cute. That's the problem. I don't need other girls to see him walking around like sex on a stick?
Sheldon: (Looks in a mirror) She's right, I'm too hot.

Sheldon: Wow, I don't know which hurts more. My nose or my heart.

Sheldon: Frankly, Mom, I'm encouraged to see how advanced your group has become -- willing to sail into the ocean without fear of falling off the edge.

Sheldon: You know, the German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche believed that morality is just a fiction used by the herd of inferior human beings to hold back the few superior men.
Leonard: Thanks, that actually does help.
Sheldon: It's worth noting that he died of syphilis.

Sheldon: You're out, too, by the way.
Leonard: Say what?
Sheldon: It's nothing personal, I'd just prefer if my future niece or nephew didn't become flatulent every time they eat an Eskimo pie.

Leonard: Howard brought a date?
Sheldon: A more plausible explanation is that his work in robotics has made an amazing leap forward.

Sheldon: When do you evacuate your bowels?
Leonard: When I have to.
Sheldon: When you have to? I'm sorry I don't rent to hippies.

Sheldon: There wouldn't have been any ass kickings if that stupid death ray had worked.

Penny: When I was a senior in high school, one of my friends heard I was gonna be named head cheerleader, I was so excited. My mom even made me a celebration pie. Then they named stupid Valerie Mossbacher head cheerleader, big old slutbag.
Sheldon: Are you saying that you think a celebration pie is even remotely comparable to a Nobel Prize?
Penny: Well, they're pretty tasty.
Sheldon: And on a different, but not unrelated topic, based on your current efforts to buoy my spirits, do you ever truly believe that you were fit to be a cheer leader?

Sheldon: This will just take a moment, it's on a five and a quarter inch floppy.
Amy: A floppy disk?
Sheldon: Well, I started the list when I was nine.

Sheldon: Maybe your friend Gundersen needs to head over to IKEA and assemble a sense of humor.

Sheldon: They called it the greatest thing since the Communist party. Although I'm pretty sure the Communist party made them say that. I like China. See, they know how to keep people in line.