Sheldon: I would point out that I am at the top of my profession, while you preside over the kiddie table of yours.

Sheldon: What part of an inverse tangent approaching an asymptote don't you understand?

Sheldon: Priya, if you're experiencing any tension or awkwardness, it may stem from the fact that Leonard and Penny used to, if I might quote Howard, "Do the dance with no pants".

Sheldon: It has been some time since we had a woman take her clothes off in our apartment.
Leonard: That's not true, remember at Thanksgiving, my Grandmother with Alzheimer's had that episode?
Sheldon: Point taken, it has been some time since we had a woman take her clothes off after which we didn't wanna rip our eyes out.
Leonard: The worst part was watching her carve that turkey.

Gablehauser: AA, I need your official answer.
Sheldon: Well, it's not what he said.
Gablehauser: Then what is it?
Sheldon: I want a different question.
Gablehauser: You can't have a different question.
Sheldon: Formal Protest!
Gablehauser: Denied!
Sheldon: Informal Protest!
Gablehauser: Denied! I need your official answer.
Sheldon: No, I decline to provide one.
Gablehauser: Well, that's too bad, because the answer your teammate gave was correct.
Sheldon: That's your opinion.

Sheldon: And you can start sorting protons and neutrons while I build carbon atoms!
Leonard: No, I don't think so. We need to go home now.
Sheldon: But I'm still working!
Leonard: If you don't come out of there, I'm gonna have to drag you out.
Sheldon: You can try, but you'll never catch me.
Leonard: Oh for God's sake. Sheldon, come here.
Sheldon: Bazinga!

Sheldon: "Barney Bunny has two daddies now." Probably something about homosexual rabbits.

Penny: So, do you think that if Leonard and I keep dating, Leonard would get bored with me?
Sheldon: That depends.
Penny: On what?
Sheldon: Do you have a working knowledge on Quantum Physics?
Penny: No.
Sheldon: Do you speak Klingon?
Penny: No.
Sheldon: Do you know any card tricks?

Sheldon: If I could I would, but I can't so I shan't.

Penny: Where are you going?
Sheldon: Wherever the music takes me, kitten.

Sheldon: I don't care if anybody gets it. I'm going as the Doppler effect. If I have to, I can demonstrate. NYEEEOOOOM

Sheldon: Excuse me, are you saying that Wil Wheaton, a.k.a. Ensign Wesley Crusher on Star Trek: The Next Generation, is going to be participating in your tournament?
Stuart: I'm sorry, did I rob you of the opportunity to stumble onto that for yourself?
Sheldon: No, wait, you don't understand. Growing up, I idolized Wil Wheaton. You know, Wesley Crusher had an eidetic memory just like me.
Raj: Oh, what a coincidence. Maybe you can discuss that with him while you're playing in the tournament. Sign here.
Sheldon: Yeah, I was such a fan that in 1995, I traveled 10 hours by bus to a sci-fi convention in Jackson, Mississippi wearing my Starfleet Academy cadet uniform in order to meet Wil Wheaton and get him to autograph my mint-in-package Wesley Crusher action figure.
Raj: Oh, It'll be like a reunion then. Sign here.
Sheldon: (Mood changes) Yeah, my arduous journey, however, was for naught. Although advertised to appear, he did not show up. It was at that moment I vowed eternal hatred for Wil Wheaton.
Raj: Okay, great, you can tell him you hate him, sign here.
Sheldon: It might interest you to know that Wil Wheaton currently ranks 6th on my all-time enemies list, right between director Joel Schumacher, who nearly destroyed the Batman movie franchise, and Billy Sparks, who lived down the street from me and put dog poop on the handles of my bicycle.

Sheldon: I should've brought an umbrella.
Leonard: What for? It's not going to rain.
Sheldon: I know that, but with skin as fair as mine, moon burn is a real possibility.
Howard: That's a bazinga, right?
Sheldon: One of my best, don't you think?

Sheldon: Eat this slice of cheese without farting and you can sleep with my sister.

Sheldon: I'm sorry, but in what universe is Wonder Woman blonde?