Bernadette: Speaking of new careers, how are things going with dark matter, Sheldon?
Sheldon: Oh, I have to say it's the most exciting time in the history of the field.
Bernadette: Oh, what's going on?
Sheldon: I started doing it.

Sheldon: I'm clearly too evolved for driving.

Sheldon: Hello, I know you're out there. I can hear you metabolizing oxygen and expelling carbon dioxide.

Leonard: Sheldon, you need to find a better way of dealing with Penny.
Sheldon: What am I supposed to do? Eat French Toast on a Monday? Now that would be impossible.

Sheldon: Do those sound like castanets to you?
Leonard: The box says 'kitchen'.
Sheldon: So? Do cocaine smugglers write 'cocaine' on the box?

Sheldon: *Knock Knock Knock* Penny. *Knock Knock Knock* Penny.
Penny: *Opening her door* ... Penny.
Sheldon: That's just wrong.

Sheldon: Now to the astronomers in the audience, get ready to see the dark side of the moon. Now here's Uranus!

Raj: Did you go to your prom?
Sheldon: No. I had a date with a proper education. Instead of a tuxedo, I dressed myself in good habits. Instead of spiked punch, I enjoyed the intoxicating flavor of knowledge. Instead of dancing in a gym, I shook my bootie to the seductive rhythms-
Penny: Okay, okay.
Sheldon: -of AP calculus.

Sheldon: Radio contact is sufficient. No need to extend your middle finger.

Sheldon: Hi little guy. How'd you like to come home with us? You'll be living with me, because we don't live in the same house.
Amy: But that's not your fault. Like you, we're taking it ridiculously slow. You'll stay with me when he's away for Comic-Con or with work.
Sheldon: Or if they accept daddy's application to live on Mars.

Amy: That's fascinating. I can't wait to read it.
Sheldon: Oh, me as well. Please email it to [email protected] Why .biz? Because I just gave you the business. And also bazinga.com was taken.

Sheldon: Clearly febrile delirium is setting in. Please bring me some soup while I still understand what a spoon is for.

Sheldon: Leonard?
Leonard: Yes?
Sheldon: (Sarcastic) When we played chess earlier, you were terrific, and I can't wait to play you again. Goodnight!

Sheldon: Amy, this isn't easy to say. All relationships are difficult. But even more so when you're with a person who struggles with everyday social interactions. And frankly, who can strike people as being kind of a weirdo.
Amy: Sheldon, you're not a weirdo.
Sheldon: I wasn't speaking about me. I mean, honestly, there's no telling what will set you off. Introducing myself as your boyfriend. Giving you the opportunity to drive me home. Breaking the ice with you colleagues using ethnic humor - the funniest kind of humor.

Sheldon: (to Leonard, who has decided to give up on Penny) Well, at least now you can retrieve the black box from the twisted, smoldering wreckage that was once your fantasy of dating her and analyze the data so you don't crash into Geek Mountain again.