Leonard: Hey, guys, what are you? Oh, that's here, cool.
Penny: Amy wants me to have it.
Amy: Well, it would be selfish of me to keep it.
Penny: But it's a picture of you.
Amy: And you.
Penny: But you commissioned it.
Amy: To give to you.
Penny: But you like it so much.
Amy: So do you.
Penny: I seem to be losing.
Leonard: Yes, you do.

Sheldon: You know, Leonard, the more I think about it, there are a number of mutually owned items in this apartment that you and I should go through. Uh, for example who gets our beloved sword, Longclaw?
Penny: Why don't you keep it?
Sheldon: That seems fair. We did just give you the painting.
Penny: Yeah, I don't need anything around that I can stab myself with.

Sheldon: Wonderful, Longclaw is mine. And how about you keep our ... avocado plant?
Leonard: Sounds right. A limited edition collectible worth hundreds of dollars and a thing that grew out of a thing we fished from the trash.

Sheldon: Although, Amy and I did just move in together, and a plant is a lovely housewarming gift.
Leonard: Fine, take the plant.
Sheldon: Oh, we got a sword and a plant. Our apartment's really shaping up.

Bernadette: Stuart, you didn't have to get us a baby gift.
Stuart: Oh, just homemade coupons for things you might need help with before the baby gets here. Going to the grocery store, driving you to the doctor. If you're not in a hurry, I can dig you a koi pond.
Bernadette: A foot massage?
Stuart: And that's not me being creepy, that's for either of you.

Stuart: Uh, now that you mention it can I live here?
Bernadette: Stuart, we'd love to help you out, but this a bad time; we're about to have a baby.
Stuart: Or is that why this is a great time? Think about it. When that baby comes, you're gonna need all the help you can get.
Bernadette: Thank you, but I'm not really sure.
Howard: Hang on, maybe it's not the worst idea. I mean, he did do a good job taking care of my mother.
Stuart: That woman didn't get heat rash once with me on powder patrol.

Bernadette: Hey, I guess you could stay for a few days and we'll see how it goes.
Stuart: Thank you. And it's only temporary, just till I get back on my feet. Or the baby goes off to college, whichever happens first.

Stuart: But I am ready to be helpful. In fact, I'm gonna go vacuum.
Bernadette: Actually, I just did that this morning.
Stuart: Okay, then I'll dust.
Bernadette: I did that, too.
Stuart: Then I'll check the batteries in the smoke detectors.
Bernadette: Howard just did that.
Howard: Yeah, let him do it.

Sheldon: Oh! Remember when we got this at Comic-Con?
Leonard: Oh, yeah. The Mr. Spock cuckoo clock.
Clock: Live long and prosper. Live long and prosper. Live long and prosper. Live long and prosper.
Sheldon: It's one of a kind.
Penny: So if it breaks there'd be none of it?

Bernadette: Stuart, you cooked?
Howard: How did you know it wasn't me?
Bernadette: There's only three people in this house, and you'd still be my fifth guess.

Stuart: Hey, Raj.
Raj: Hey, Stuart. What are you doing here?
Stuart: Oh, I'm living here again.
Raj: Do, uh, Howard and Bernadette know? Or is it like a possum in the walls kind of thing?

Bernadette: Thank you again for cooking. It's getting tough for me to be on my feet all day.
Stuart: You just kick back and relax; I've got it all under control.
Raj: Although it was already under control.
Stuart: I'm sorry, you mumbled something?
Raj: It's just that they've had plenty of help.
Stuart: Well, you know what they say. It takes a village.
Raj: Well, they already had a village.
Stuart: I noticed the village couldn't find time to put the crib together.
Raj: Yeah, well, maybe the village was too busy checking out the local Montessori school for the new arrival.
Stuart: You mean the one with the empty beer bottles in the sandbox? We'll pass, thank you.

Stuart: Hey, what's up?
Raj: I'm here to put the crib together.
Stuart: Ooh, sorry, I already did it.
Raj: Oh, I don't know if you realize this, but I bought that crib.
Stuart: Oh, yeah, I read about that on WhoGivesACrap.com
Raj: Why are you being like this?
Stuart: Because I love Howard and Bernadette and if I want to keep mooching off them, I need to be helpful.

Leonard: Sheldon, what do you think you're doing?
Sheldon: My room is paid up until the end of the month, so I can do with it whatever I please, which includes renting it out for a dollar a night.
Theodore: It's like the '40s again.

Penny: What do you think? Should we go to a hotel?
Leonard: And just leave him here alone?
Penny: Okay, I'll go to a hotel. Text me in the morning if you're still alive.