Raj: Okay, any other questions? Mm. Not about aliens? [to Bernadette] What?
Bernadette: Do you still want me to ask the one you gave me? 'Cause it kind of feels like we're past that.

Bernadette: Hey, what you got there?
Howard: Oh. [stammers] Just tossing out this old helmet I don't need. I thought you were at the park.
Bernadette: We were. The kids got sleepy.
Howard: Great story. I need to make a phone call.
Bernadette: Howard, why do you look all guilty? Like when I catch you deleting your browser history?

Bernadette: I can't believe you were sneaking around my back like a child.
Howard: I just didn't want you to worry.
Bernadette: No, you just didn't want to get caught.
Howard: I'm sorry, but you telling me what I can and can't do is pretty damn emasculating.
Bernadette: Emasculating? You were about to ride bitch on a moped with another man.

Bernadette: Why do you want to ride that stupid thing anyway?
Howard: I don't know. Maybe I just miss the freedom I had as a younger man.
Bernadette: What freedom? You lived with your mother. You had a curfew.

Bernadette: You know what? I'm done talking about this. Do whatever you want.
Howard: I will!
Bernadette: I just want you to ask yourself if that tiny, ridiculous scooter is the hill you want to die on.

Howard: Hey. You still mad?
Bernadette: Are you still a jackass?

Bernadette: What if you fell? What if you got hurt? I don't want to raise two small children and one large vegetable.

Howard: Kids asleep?
Bernadette: Nope. I've been trying to get them down for hours. Apparently, Halley's afraid of the dark now and I can't turn on the night-light 'cause it makes Michael cry.
Howard: Why doesn't he like the night-light?
Bernadette: Jot that down, we can ask him as soon as he learns to speak. We can also find out what's so damn funny about birds.

Bernadette: Remember, I'm leaving you with two babies. I expect to see two babies when I get back, and they better be the same two babies because I'll know.

Penny: Hey, I thought we weren't supposed to have our phones in the booth.
Bernadette: That's a "you" rule, not a "me" rule.

Bernadette: Oh, my God. You guys are still here?
Karen: We're happy to be here. It's a brand-new day.
Bernadette: It's 12:15, it's literally a brand-new day.

Howard: I think I'm capable of babysitting.
Bernadette: Don't call it babysitting; they're your children. It's called parenting.
Howard: What's the difference?
Bernadette: You don't get paid.

Penny: As opposed to the leading nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory, our product greatly reduces the risk of ulcers. So it won't burn a hole in your stomach.
Bernadette: And it won't burn a hole in your wallet, either!
Penny: Thank you. I got this. It's a brand new day!

Penny: I just really want to be prepared for this conference.
Bernadette: You're gonna do great.
Penny: You really think so?
Bernadette: Of course. They're scared of you, you're scared of me. The system works.

Bernadette: Oh, don't waste your time. His name is Danny. He works for one of the other drug companies.
Danny: Hey, nothing wrong with checking out the competition.
Bernadette: Aw, we don't see you as competition.
Danny: You should. Our anti-inflammatory is hitting the market this year, too.
Penny: Well, ours has zero drug interaction risk.
Danny: Yeah. So does an Altoid.
Bernadette: Speaking of Altoids, why don't you go get one?