Sheldon: And guess where we get to sleep? Our choice of a turn-of-the-century railway bunkhouse or a working caboose. Now, the problem with a caboose is there's no bathroom, but the problem with the bunkhouse is it's not a caboose.

Sheldon: As I have explained repeatedly, unlike you, I don't need validation from lesser minds. No offense.
Leonard: Really, so why did you come?
Sheldon: Because I knew you’d screw this up.
Leonard: I didn't screw it up.
Sheldon: Oh, please. I admit, that spherical chicken joke, that was hilarious. But it was straight downhill from there.

Amy: I think I'm just gonna go over here and sit on the couch.
Sheldon: Oh, great. Then we will move on to stage two: the pitching of woo.

Sheldon: Were you trying to impress Penny?
Leonard: No, no not at all. ... A little bit.
Sheldon: How'd that work out for you?
Penny: (entering the apartment) Leonard, ready to go?
Sheldon: Libido 1, Truth 0.

Sheldon: There's my pretty girlfriend.
Amy: I'm not going with you to Comic-Con.
Sheldon: What? Can't a man just be happy to see his woman and pat her on her second most erogenous ball-and-socket joint?
Amy: He can, but it's still not changing my mind.
Sheldon: Well, maybe what's in my pants will change your mind. It's a list of this year's panelists. It's long, isn't it?

Sheldon: Well, how about this? For $100,000, I will design the flag of your house or apartment. And for $1 million, I will come over and tell you what's wrong with you.
Leonard: Aw, and all these years, I've been getting that for free.
Sheldon: Don't be smug, Leonard. That's one of the things that's wrong with you.

Sheldon: You know it's still your birthday.
Amy: (chuckles) It is.
Sheldon: And we are both feeling better.
Amy: We are. And there's no one in that bounce house.
Sheldon: Great. Let's go jump for a bit, and then find a bedroom to have coitus in.

Stuart: How you two feeling?
Sheldon: Oh, a little better. Those books should have been called Little Outhouse on the Prairie.

Sheldon: Oh please, I have grudges that go back to preschool. Someday, I'm gonna find a grown-up Elaine Dwyer and eat her favorite crayon while she watches.
Amy: Is that why there's an Elaine Dwyer on our guest list?
Sheldon: Yes. That night, I'm going to have the first dance and the last laugh.

Sheldon: Well, I hope you're hungry.
Amy: Oh, I'm starving.
Sheldon: Oh, good. Starvation is authentic to the time period. If you also have malaria and a deep distrust of Native Americans, we're really cooking with a woodstove.

Amy: Sounds like everyone's staying home. What do you say?
Sheldon: Nuts to that, I'm going to Comic-Con!
Amy: By yourself?
Sheldon: Not necessarily. I have four months to find some new friends.
Stuart: I'll go with you.
Sheldon: That's very kind of you, Stuart. Check back in with me in July.

Sheldon: Would you like to play a physics car game I invented called "I Can't Spy?" It's all the nail-biting tension of I Spy but the added fun of sub-atomic particles and waves outside the visible spectrum.
Leonard: If it's half as much fun as "1 x 10 to the 4th bottles of beer on the wall", I'm in.

Leonard: Excuse me, I designed the experiment that proved the hypothesis.
Sheldon: It doesn't need proving.
Leonard: So the entire scientific community is just supposed to take your word?
Sheldon: They're not supposed to, but they should.

Alfred Hofstadter: You're a patient young lady.
Sheldon: Hey, hey! She's mine! Take a cold shower, grandpa!

Sheldon: Fine, I'll go. But if her food is delicious, Thanksgiving is ruined and it's on you.