Wil Wheaton: Sheldon, I promise that I will work my hardest to make this show great so that a whole new generation of kids will grow up and they will be able to say that Professor Proton was the reason they got into science.
Sheldon: Wow, that was very persuasive.
Wil Wheaton: Thanks.
Sheldon: But I won't be seduced by your acting skills nor your movie star charisma. There's only one Professor Proton, and he had neither of those things.

Sheldon: Oh please, I have grudges that go back to preschool. Someday, I'm gonna find a grown-up Elaine Dwyer and eat her favorite crayon while she watches.
Amy: Is that why there's an Elaine Dwyer on our guest list?
Sheldon: Yes. That night, I'm going to have the first dance and the last laugh.

Bert: Sheldon, you left your jacket in my office last night.
Sheldon: Uh, oh. No-no, I didn't. That's-that's not my jacket.
Leonard: Then why does it say, "Property of S. Cooper. Stop touching it."?
Sheldon: It sounds like someone named Scooper doesn't want you touching his jacket.

Amy: I'm just saying, if you think the work is interesting, nothing else should matter.
Sheldon: You're right, Amy. That is sage advice. Which is surprising, considering your momma is so dumb, she-
Amy: (Gets up and leaves) Nope.
Sheldon: (After Amy's gone) She studied for a urine test. (chuckles)

Bert: What do you want, Sheldon?
Sheldon: I would like us to work together again. I promise to keep my geology comments to myself, because while some of them are funny, all of them are mean.

Howard: You and Amy having fun planning your wedding?
Sheldon: We're employing a mathematical approach called decision theory, so, heck, yeah.
Leonard: Heck, yeah? Looks like someone need to put a dollar in the almost-swear jar.

Sheldon: You know whose fault this is?
Amy: I do. Yours.
Sheldon: No, my mother's. "Go make friends, Sheldon." What happens? 20 years later, they call me names.

Amy: I don't think what they called you is the point here.
Sheldon: Oh, yeah? How would you feel if I called you the name of a neuroscientist you didn't like?
Amy: Do you know the name of any neuroscientist?
Sheldon: Of course.
Amy: Not me?
Sheldon: Then no.

Sheldon: Do you think they're right, Amy? Do you think I'm like Edison?
Amy: Sheldon, I don't think you're upset because of what kind of scientist they said you're like. I think you're upset because your friends' feelings got hurt.
Sheldon: You're right. I care too much about other people's feelings. It's always been my fatal flaw.
Amy: Sheldon, I don't think-
Sheldon: No, no, not now, Amy. I'm growing as a person.

Leonard: I can't believe you took a gift from me and gave it to another man.
Sheldon: Really? Of all the things she's given to other men, that's what you're concerned about?

Sheldon: We've assigned all wedding decisions randomly, and each of us makes half of them. You know, from venue to officiant to numbering system for the tables: Roman or Dewey Decimal.
Leonard: Why not hexadecimal?
Sheldon: 'Cause this is our wedding, not a joke.

Sheldon: Wait. The premise is that he is dressed differently?
Howard: Yeah.
Sheldon: (laughing) That's true. He is not dressed the same.

Amy: You know, this is really fun. I can't believe that people say that planning a wedding is one of the most stressful things in life.
Sheldon: I know. Not a day goes by that I don't marvel how much better we are than other people.

Sheldon: Well if the ushers are so important to you, what if I propose a trade? You may pick that, and I will decide, say, first dance.
Amy: Great. Then the ushers will be my cousins dressed in frontier frock coats.
Sheldon: Oh. And the first dance will be that we won't have one.
Amy: All right. Then our second dance will be the first dance.
Sheldon: Unless we have no dance at all.

Amy: And if we're not enjoying planning this wedding, then what's the point?
Sheldon: Well, historically, a wedding was to let other potential suitors know that we're unavailable. But I think matching T-shirts that say "Hands off the merchandise" accomplish the same thing.