Wil Wheaton: Listen, Sheldon, I'm really happy to do this for you, but not if she's gonna be a huge pain in the ass the whole time.
Amy: You gonna let him speak to me like that?
Sheldon: Well, you're my girlfriend and I don't want you to be upset. Then again, Wil Wheaton's my friend and I don't want him to be upset. Hmm, this is a sticky wicket. (To Wil) What do you think?

Sheldon: I'll be right back. Feel free to play with yourself.

Amy: Fine. Then maybe I should go.
Sheldon: Could you? That would solve everything. You are the best. I'll see you at dinner tonight?
Amy: You sure you wouldn't rather have dinner with your friend Wil Wheaton?
Sheldon: Come to think of it, I would! You, little lady, are on fire.

Leonard: Hey, look who's out after dark, like a big boy.
Sheldon: I was out raising heck with Mr. Wil Wheaton. Four hours more and we would have closed down the HomeTown Buffet.
Leonard: I thought you had plans with Amy.
Sheldon: Yeah, I did, but then Wil called Amy a pain in the A-S-S. She got huffy and left, then Wil and I headed out to dinner. That place really did remind me of my hometown. Because there we also have a HomeTown Buffet.

Leonard: Hold on. Wil and Amy had an argument?
Sheldon: Yes, quite the kerfuffle.
Leonard: Then Amy got mad and left?
Sheldon: Walked right out the door.
Leonard: And you?
Sheldon: Enjoyed a delightful dinner at a reasonable price. The manager recognized Wil and let us sit right next to the frozen yogurt machine. Right next to it. I was closer to it than I am to you right now.

Leonard: Buddy, I think Amy might be upset.
Sheldon: Why's that?
Leonard: Because your friend was rude to her, and then you went to dinner with him.
Sheldon: You're just repeating what I said. It's like living with a lactose-intolerant parrot.
Leonard: Trust me, call her.
Sheldon: Fine. It's a shame you didn't go to dinner with us, because the buffet you're about to enjoy only serves humble pie, a dessert much less tasty than frozen yogurt. I was this close.

Sheldon: I've been thinking about what happened, and I hope this gift will make things better.
Amy: Star Trek DVDs? Why would I want this?
Sheldon: First of all, you're welcome. And furthermore, not being familiar with Wil Wheaton's body of work, there was no way for you to know you were being rude to a national treasure. Get ready for 130 hours of I told you so. (Amy returns the DVDs and slams the door) Fine. I'll just tell you what happens. Episode one, Encounter at Farpoint. Fade in. The new Enterprise heads out on its maiden voyage to contact the Bandi people of Deneb IV. Enter Wesley Crusher, played by my buddy ... (Amy opens the door, grabs the DVDs, and slams the door again) She's hooked.

Penny: So what are you drinking?
Sheldon: Well, it’s been a rough day. I usually go chamomile tea, but I don't think that's going to cut it.
Penny: You could have a Long Island Iced Tea.
Sheldon: Will that calm my nerves?
Penny: It's calmed the pants off me a couple of times.
Sheldon: Sold.

Sheldon: Amy deserves better. You know, when we buy the Planter's deluxe mix, she eats all the Brazil nuts so I don't have to look at them. She's a unique blend of saint and squirrel.

Wil Wheaton: Hey, Sheldon, what's up?
Sheldon: Wouldn't you like to know?
Wil Wheaton: Have you been drinking?
Sheldon: Just tea. S'the best tea I've ever had.
Wil Wheaton: Why are you here?
Sheldon: I'll tell you. I'm from Texas. Need I say more?
Wil Wheaton: Yeah, actually, a little more would be helpful.

Sheldon: You insulted my woman. I'm here to defend her honor. Two! It was two. *Knock, knock, knock* Wil Wheaton! Now prepare yourself for what may come.

Wil Wheaton: Okay, I'm sorry.
Sheldon: Well, that was a long bus ride for not very much.
Wil Wheaton: Are you okay?
Sheldon: You're asking a lot of questions, Wil Wheaton. As a matter of idle curiosity, which of your shrubberies do you feel would benefit from a thorough vomiting? Never mind, I'll choose. (Vomits) You were so good in Stand by Me.

Stephen Hawking: What does Sheldon Cooper and a black hole have in common? They both suck.

Sheldon: Steven Hawking's a genius and he talks like a robot. It's everything I ever wanted in a friend.

Sheldon: I'll be Coop and he'll be Wheels. If he's okay with that.