Amy: His mother warned me. Everybody warned me. Actually, he warned me.

Amy: You know, what you need to do is put this Air Force project behind you and just dive into something new.
Sheldon: Well, there is our quantum cognition experiment. You and I could spend more time on that.
Amy: Oh, I don't know, I mean, let's say we succeed in proving that our consciousness creates reality.
I mean, what will we have really accomplished? You know, a loaf of bread's still three bucks.

Amy: Sheldon, like it or not, until you manage to upload your intelligence into a self-sustaining orbiting satellite, equipped with high-speed Internet and a cloaking device, you will be dependent on other members of the human race.
Sheldon: That's it. Prepare to be minimized.
Amy: I'm not finished. All scientists have to fund-raise, Sheldon. How do you think I paid for my lab?
I went to Saudi Arabia and met with a prince who had an interest in neurobiology.
Sheldon: Your lab is funded by some Middle-Eastern dilettante?
Amy: Technically, Faisal is my fiance. But I do have a state-of-the-art two-photon microscope and a place to stay in Riyadh for the winter.
Sheldon: Well, that explains those puzzling camel race photos on your Facebook page.

Amy: The university has been throwing money at my study. With any luck, there'll be a brain disease with my name on it.
Bernadette: Fingers crossed.
Amy: Which is ironic, because if you had Fowler's palsy, you wouldn't be able to cross your fingers.

Amy: I had to go to my aunt's party all by myself, and everybody was like, "Where's this boyfriend you're always talking about? Is he real, or did you make him up like Armin the miniature horse breeder?"
Penny: Who's Armin the miniature horse breeder?
Amy: The pretend boyfriend I invented to get my family off my back. It unraveled quickly when I couldn't answer the question how'd you two meet?
Penny: I would have thought at a miniature horse show.
Amy: Oh, that's good.
Penny: Mm.
Amy: I panicked and said Woodstock. I just wanted to show Sheldon off to my family.

Penny: Fine, it bothers me a little. No. You know what? This is stupid. It doesn't bother me. Okay, it bothers me. But only because she wouldn't stop laughing. Leonard is not that funny.
Amy: And there you have it, prefrontal cortex reasoning versus limbic lust. If this were a boxing match, they might call it the thrilla adjacent to the amygdala. If you were a brain scientist, you would be busting a gut right now.

Sheldon: What if we were to go as dinner table favourites salt and pepper?
Amy: You know salt makes me retain water and my cousin William was ground to death in a pepper factory accident.

Penny: It was a long time ago, we were broken up.
Raj: Which breakup was that? Was that the Saint Valentine's Day Massacre?
Howard: No, no. This might've been during the Comic-Con Dump-A-Thon.
Penny: You have names for our breakups?
Raj: Well, they would really blur together if we didn't.
Sheldon: The Comic-Con breakup's easy to remember because Leonard was the saddest Pikachu.
Amy: Right, and he wiped his nose on your cape, and then you were the saddest Darth Vader.

Sheldon: Okay, let's see what we've got so far.
Amy: I arrive in a Little House on the Prairie style horse-drawn buggy.
Sheldon: Where you are met with an honor guard of stormtroopers.
Amy: Do you think that might be jarring, going from wholesome pioneers to space Nazis?
Sheldon: I see what you're saying. You're thinking that you should arrive in a replica of Luke Skywalker's landspeeder.
Amy: It's not what I'm thinking, and to save you the trouble for the future, it will never be what I'm thinking.

Amy: Well, if we're changing things, then instead of throwing confetti, we'll release butterflies.
Sheldon: Airborne worms?! Have you lost your mind?! Well, if you're going to do that, then I am changing the officiant to that husky Spider-Man that hangs out at the Chinese Theater.
Amy: Fine. Wedding toasts in Latin.
Sheldon: Great. Vows in Klingon.
Amy: Then I'm changing the flower girl to a dog. And guess what he'll be scattering instead of petals!

Clerk: Here's your license. Now, if you wait over there, we'll call you when the officiant's ready.
Sheldon: Do we need a blood test?
Clerk: No.
Sheldon: Well, then, how will you know whether or not we have syphilis?
Clerk: I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you don't have that.
Amy: Okay, Sheldon, you officially exceeded the number of times I hoped to hear the word "syphilis" on my wedding day.

Amy: So I was talking to my favorite aunt-
Penny: Aunt Doe, right?
Amy: Exactly.
Penny: Did she ever figure out what that thing on her knee was?
Amy: Turns out it was a chocolate chip.
Penny: Hmm. Makes sense, she does like to bake.
Amy: Yes, she does. Damn, you are a thoroughbred.

Sheldon: You know, I'm really happy with our wedding date. The month squared equals the square of the sum of the members of the set of prime factors of the day. Isn't that romantic?
Amy: Yes, it's like that Shakespeare sonnet, "Shall I compare thee to a day that's also a really weird math problem."

Howard: I can't believe her. She knows I don't want to name the baby after her dad.
Amy: What did you want to name him?
Howard: I don't know. We were gonna wait until we saw what he looked like.
Amy: Well, it's a baby. Her dad's a wrinkly bald man. That wasn't gonna break your way.

Sheldon: Uh, uh, hold on. Hold on. First, we have to read the minutes from last month's meeting. Amy, would you do the honors?
Amy: Why not? "Saturday, March 3rd.
7:05, meeting called to order.
7:06, president gets shampoo in eye.
7:07, meeting adjourned."