Bernadette: But we have jobs, we can't babysit her twenty-four hours a day.
Howard: What if we use our vacation time?
Bernadette: I wanted to go to Hawaii, not Hell.

Bernadette: Howie, I love you. And as your wife, your mother is every bit as much my problem as she is yours. So, I want a divorce.

Penny: We're engaged!
Raj: Wow. I thought me having sex with Emily was going to be the big news.
*Amy, Bernadette, Howard and Sheldon rush to Raj*
Leonard: Hey, hey. What the hell?!
Bernadette: You guys propose all the time, this never happens.
Penny: You're right. Yay!
*Leonard & Penny go to celebrate with Raj*

Howard: What took you so long? The grocery store's only a few blocks away.
Bernadette: They only had regular yogurt. I had to go a different store to get the extra-fat kind your mom likes.

Bernadette: I'm glad I got that mocha. And you know what else I'm glad about? I bought you a brownie and I ate it in the car!

Bernadette: Almost there. You're doing great.
Howard: Thanks for lifting my spirits. Next time, try lifting the box.

Amy: We were hoping it might cheer you up.
Bernadette: And even though it meant we had to miss the movies, we could still be part of the fun.
Howard: Oh, you didn't miss anything. We just started over.
Bernadette: Son of a bitch.

Amy: Did you watch Professor Proton when you were a kid?
Bernadette: No. My dad controlled the TV, so unless someone was a Texas Ranger, Jake or the Fat Man, we didn't see it.

Bernadette: I got into science because I was always the smallest kid in the school. I thought if I became a scientist I could invent a formula that made me taller.
Amy: That's cute.
Bernadette: I thought it was working for a while, but then I found out my brother was just lowering the pencil marks on the door frame.

Bernadette: Anyway, it'll be a nice surprise for the boys. And Howie doesn't think I take his interests seriously, so hopefully this will keep him fooled for a while.

Bernadette: I have to go. Penny ratted me out. FYI, she's getting you a watch for your birthday with money she took out of your wallet.

Amy: Did you lie to Howard about tonight?
Bernadette: Of course.
Amy: And you don't like feel guilty about it?
Bernadette: Between Penny's gorilla movie and Howard's gorilla mother, I had no choice.

Leonard: Thankfully, Penny and I have a relationship built around honesty.
*Amy and Bernadette chuckle*
Leonard: What? I don't lie to her.
Bernadette: Oh, we know you don't lie to her.

Penny: Oh, Stuart. Now I kinda feel bad for murdering you.
Raj: Oh, come on!
Bernadette: Penny did it! I win! Suck it, jackasses!

Leonard: You don't go into science for the money.
Bernadette: Speak for yourself. Last month my company both invented and cured restless eye syndrome. Ka-ching, ya blinky chumps!