Bernadette: Thank you. It is exciting. Oh, that's very sweet. I'm gonna remember you said that. Just like I remember how you tried to take my office when I was on maternity leave. (laughs) Of course I'm not angry. Bye-bye. How can I be angry at a dead man?

Penny: Hey, you got a sec?
Bernadette: Sure. What's up?
Penny: Uh, bad news. I spoke to my supervisor about heading up your sales team, and she said she just can't lose me right now.
Bernadette: Do you want me to call her? I could rip her a new one.

Penny: Hey, you wanted to see me?
Bernadette: Yeah, come on in.
Penny: Okay.
Bernadette: Close the door.
Penny: Okay.
Bernadette: Have a seat.
Penny: Do I have to?
Bernadette: You really do.

Bernadette: I'm just saying. She went to college. She's really smart.
Penny: Well, I'm smarter than Karen. I can read the word "Penny" on a cup of yogurt.
Bernadette: Why are you getting so upset? I'm agreeing with you. This is a big job, and I need someone who's up to it.
Penny: I am up to it. I'm just nervous about it.
Bernadette: I know. And that's why I don't want to pressure you into doing something that you clearly don't want to do.
Penny: I know what you're up to.
Bernadette: Is it working?
Penny: Yes.
Bernadette: So I'll see you Monday morning?
Penny: Yes.
Bernadette: I bet I can make that girl president.

Bernadette: That was really impressive.
Penny: Damn right it was impressive.
Bernadette: Okay, that tone doesn't work with me.
Penny: Sorry, boss.

Bernadette: Ooh, it's freezing out here.
Howard: Would you like me to heat things up?
Bernadette: No, I want to get in the hot tub before I lose a toe.

Howard: Hey, would you mind if Raj and I went away this weekend?
Bernadette: Well, it is important for you two to keep the spark alive.

Anu: I'm glad you came. Howard made it sound like this wasn't your kind of thing
Bernadette: He did say that, but here I am. So what does he know?
Howard: I just didn't think you'd enjoy plummeting to the Earth at 400 miles an hour.
Bernadette: I love going fast, unlike Grandma here, poking along at 70 miles an hour. Am I right?

Neil: Okay, I just need you guys to sign these waivers, and then you can go get changed.
Bernadette: There are a lot of pages here. Is this a waiver or a screenplay you've been working on?
Howard: I'm sure it's just boilerplate.
Neil: Absolutely. It's to protect us in case of injury.
Bernadette: It says, "Or death." Which is awesome.

Anu: Should we go get changed?
Bernadette: Yeah. Hang on a second.
Anu: What?
Bernadette: Just-- I have two babies at home. What am I doing?
Anu: If you don't want to do this, then why'd you come?
Bernadette: To prove to Howard that he doesn't know me as well as he thinks he does.
Anu: Looks like he does.
Bernadette: Unless I do it and then he doesn't.
Anu: Why not just be honest?
Bernadette: You're right. I should be honest. You owe me $3,000 for those plane tickets to India!

Bernadette: See? I just think I shouldn't go.
Neil: Actually, this is much safer than driving a car.
Bernadette: Stay out of it, flyboy!

Bernadette: I hate this so much! Why am I doing this?!
Anu:To prove a stupid point to your husband!
Bernadette: Oh, right. Worth it.

Bernadette: Oh, my God. You guys are still here?
Karen: We're happy to be here. It's a brand-new day.
Bernadette: It's 12:15, it's literally a brand-new day.

Penny: I just really want to be prepared for this conference.
Bernadette: You're gonna do great.
Penny: You really think so?
Bernadette: Of course. They're scared of you, you're scared of me. The system works.

Penny: As opposed to the leading nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory, our product greatly reduces the risk of ulcers. So it won't burn a hole in your stomach.
Bernadette: And it won't burn a hole in your wallet, either!
Penny: Thank you. I got this. It's a brand new day!