Howard Wolowitz Quotes Page 1 of 77
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Quote from the episode The Tangerine Factor
Howard: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.
Howard: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.
Quote from the episode The Itchy Brain Simulation
Howard: So you can never take it (the sweater) off?
Raj: Not even to sleep?
Howard: So you're just an idiot?
Leonard: It's called proving a point.
Howard: Is the point you're an idiot?
Quote from the episode The Gorilla Dissolution
Bernadette: Maybe we should get one of those machines to help her up the stairs.
Howard: You mean a fork lift?
Quote from the episode The Proton Displacement
Sheldon: Sheldon Cooper does not cry.
Howard: That's true, you'd rust.
Quote from the episode The Thanksgiving Decoupling
Penny: Howard, cow tipping - real or not?
Howard: I'm going to say not. That's just based on me trying to roll my mom over when she's snoring.
Quote from the episode The Fortification Implementation
Josh: So, I have to ask, was the robot sexy?
Howard: It was actually just a mechanical hand.
Josh: 'Cause that's all you need, right?
Howard: You are my brother.
Quote from the episode The Hawking Excitation
Howard: Sheldon, you're a condescending jerk. Why on earth would I want to do something nice for you?
Sheldon: To go to Jewish heaven.
Howard: Jews don't have heaven.
Sheldon: To avoid Jewish hell?
Howard: Have you met my mother? I live in Jewish hell.
Quote from the episode The Wiggly Finger Catalyst
Penny: (Whispers) Here she comes.
Howard: Smart. Whisper so the deaf chick doesn't hear you!
Quote from the episode The Anxiety Optimization
Howard: I invented a game. Want to play?
Howard: It's called Emily or Cinnamon. I give you actual quotes I've heard Raj say, and you guess if he was talking to his girlfriend or his dog.
Quote from the episode The Creepy Candy Coating Corollary
Bernadette: Does your mother call you every day at work to see if you had a healthy lunch?
Howard: My mother calls me every day at work to see if I had a healthy bowel movement.
Quote from the episode The Prom Equivalency
Bernadette: Howard, get off of him.
Howard: Not until he stops humping his way up my family tree.
Quote from the episode The Colonization Application
Howard: How are the taxes going?
Bernadette: Okay, but you've got a lot of receipts for the Lego store in here.
Howard: Those are business expenses. You can write those off.
Bernadette: A $200 R2-D2 is a business expense?
Howard: Oh, Bernie, you're gonna have to sound a lot more confident when we get audited.
Quote from the episode The Relationship Diremption
Raj: We have to go over some ground rules about Emily.
Howard: Like when it turns out she's made of rubber, I don't say anything?
Raj: She's very real.
Howard: That's what it says on the box. Right next to dishwasher safe.
Quote from the episode The Dead Hooker Juxtaposition
Wolowitz: Penny, let me take this opportunity to point out that you are looking particularly ravishing today.
Penny: Not with a thousand condoms, Howard.
Wolowitz: So there is a number.