Howard Wolowitz Quotes Page 2 of 77

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Quote from the episode The Closet Reconfiguration

Bernadette: You can't just throw everything in the closet.
Howard: Hey, you can tell me what to do and how to do it, but not both at the same time. This isn't sex.

Quote from the episode The Monopolar Expedition

Leonard: Howard, this is big science. You could be the engineer who builds the equipment that puts us on the cover of magazines.
Howard: I could also be the engineer who builds the crossbow that kills Sheldon.

Quote from the episode The Large Hadron Collision

Leonard: What would you guys do if you were me?
Wolowitz: I would take Sheldon to Switzerland.
Leonard: Seriously?
Wolowitz: Absolutely. And I'd leave him there.

Quote from the episode The Hofstadter Isotope

Wolowitz: I'm a horny engineer, Leonard. I never joke about math or sex.

Quote from the episode The Classified Materials Turbulence

Howard: Hey, you want to make sure he gets nowhere with Penny without jeopardizing your friendship with either of them?
Leonard: I'm listening.
Howard: Just tell him to do everything you've done with her for the last two years.

Quote from the episode The Rhinitis Revelation

(Howard has just told Mary about his upcoming trip to the International Space Station.)
Mary Cooper: I bet your mom is really proud of you.
Howard: Nope. She says if I don't back out, she's gonna go on a hunger strike. It'd take years before she'd be in any kind of danger, but still.

Quote from the episode The Zazzy Substitution

Howard: On the potty, what are you five?
Raj: It's a potty, what do you call it?
Howard: A toilet.
Raj: That's a little vulgar for the dinner table, don't you think?
Howard: And potty is okay?
Raj: Potty is innocent. Potty is adorable.
Howard: What do you do on the potty, wee-wee?
Raj: If I don't have to boom-boom.

Quote from the episode The Mommy Observation

Sheldon: Aren't you gonna come with me?
Howard: While you confront your mother about her sex life? I'd rather go back to that bar in assless chaps.

Quote from the episode The Colonization Application

Howard: How are the taxes going?
Bernadette: Okay, but you've got a lot of receipts for the Lego store in here.
Howard: Those are business expenses. You can write those off.
Bernadette: A $200 R2-D2 is a business expense?
Howard: Oh, Bernie, you're gonna have to sound a lot more confident when we get audited.

Quote from the episode The Griffin Equivalency

(Sheldon smiles in a grotesque way).
Howard: Oh crap that's terrifying.

Quote from the episode The Pants Alternative

Sheldon: I see. I assume since the rest of you have set the bar so low, you're saving the most impressive contribution for last. Go on Howard, dazzle me.
Howard: Well, my power is the ability to pretend like I give a damn about your piddly-ass problem. And that's 24/7 buddy.

Quote from the episode The Peanut Reaction

Howard: Try telling him it's a non-optional social convention.
Penny: What?
Howard: Just do it!
Penny: It's a non-optional social convention.
Sheldon: Oh, fair enough.
Howard: He came with a manual.

Quote from the episode The Vegas Renormalization

Raj: What do you say, Howard?
Howard: I say Vegas baby!
Raj: What are you gonna tell your mother?
Howard: Sea World baby!

Quote from the episode The Bat Jar Conjecture

Wolowitz: That's more like we're a tall thin woman who wants to make a coat out of your Dalmatians.

Quote from the episode The Bakersfield Expedition

Raj: Are they actually arguing about comic books?
Leonard: No, that can't be right.
Howard: Maybe "Thor's Hammer" is a new color of nail polish.

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