Howard Wolowitz Quotes Page 3 of 77
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Quote from the episode The Bat Jar Conjecture
Wolowitz: That's more like we're a tall thin woman who wants to make a coat out of your Dalmatians.
Quote from the episode The Anything Can Happen Recurrence
Raj: Hey, listen to this. Murder, cannibalism and satanic rituals are just a few of the thousand-plus horrors that await.
Howard: I just helped my mum out of the tub, so I'm one slippery horror ahead of you.
Quote from the episode The Pants Alternative
Sheldon: I see. I assume since the rest of you have set the bar so low, you're saving the most impressive contribution for last. Go on Howard, dazzle me.
Howard: Well, my power is the ability to pretend like I give a damn about your piddly-ass problem. And that's 24/7 buddy.
Quote from the episode The Conjugal Conjecture
Raj: Can we take a moment to discuss that I just lied to the government for you?
Howard: Yeah, I would not have done that for you.
Quote from the episode The Bakersfield Expedition
Raj: Are they actually arguing about comic books?
Leonard: No, that can't be right.
Howard: Maybe "Thor's Hammer" is a new color of nail polish.
Quote from the episode The Space Probe Disintegration
Raj: Before you finish, is this a story about patience or waiting, or just another reminder that you went to space?
Howard: A story can do two things.
Quote from the episode The Plimpton Stimulation
Howard: Are you planning on kidnapping a woman?
Howard: Yes, but mixed with genuine concern.
Quote from the episode The Pork Chop Indeterminacy
Rajesh: Missy. Do you enjoy pajamas?
Missy: I guess.
Rajesh: Yes, well, we Indians invented them. You're welcome.
Howard: Yeah, well my people invented circumcision. You're welcome.
Quote from the episode The Electric Can Opener Fluctuation
Howard: Sheldon, you remember the first few weeks we were looking for magnetic monopoles and not finding anything, and you were acting like an obnoxious, giant dictator?
Raj: I thought we were going to be gentle with him.
Howard: That's why I added the '-tator'.
Quote from the episode The Lunar Excitation
Leonard: She didn't dump me. We were just in different places in the relationship.
Sheldon: I fail to see how a relationship can have the qualities of a geographical location.
Wolowitz: It's very simple. Leonard was living in a little town called "Please don't leave me", while Penny had just moved to the island of "Bye-bye!"
Quote from the episode The Wiggly Finger Catalyst
Sheldon: The entrance to the dungeon is a moss covered door. You manage to open it only to find yourself face-to-face with a hideous, foul-smelling, moss-covered ogre. What do you do?
Howard: I say, "Hey Ma, what's for dinner?"
Quote from the episode The Cooper-Nowitzki Theorem
Penny: Whats Sheldon's deal? Is it girls, guys, sock puppets?
Howard: We operate on the assumption that Sheldon has no deal. Though we have many theories about how he might reproduce. I'm an advocate of mitosis.
Howard: I believe that one day Sheldon will eat an enormous amount of Thai food and spilt into two Sheldons.
Quote from the episode The Junior Professor Solution
Sheldon: You shot your spit in my mouth!
Howard: Is that gonna be on the test? Because I don't think I can do that again.
Quote from the episode The 21-Second Excitation
Penny: Okay, help me out here. How does an archaeology professor get that good with a whip?
Howard: Maybe he took a class at the adult bookstore. That's how I learned.
Quote from the episode The Adhesive Duck Deficiency
Howard: 1. I lost my virginity to my cousin, Jeanie. 2. It was my Uncle Murray's funeral, we were all back at my Aunt Barbara's house. Our eyes locked over the pickled herring. We never meant for it to happen. 3. To this day, I can't look at pickled herring without being aroused and ashamed. Oh, cousin Jeanie.