Wil Wheaton: You know that the movie actually has a little bit of a cult following.
Penny: Really?
Wil Wheaton: Yeah. I was at a science-fiction convention, and I saw a woman dressed as your half-ape character.
Leonard: Oh, if she was with an Indian guy dressed like a banana, that was just my friends, Howard and Raj.

Leonard: Penny, I told you if you don't put him in his crate at night, he just runs around the apartment.

Wolowitz (watching America's Next Top Model): Oh, look! That's the future Mrs. Wolowitz. No, wait! That's the future Mrs. Wolowitz. With her head in the lap of... what a coincidence... it's the future Mrs. Wolowitz.
Leonard: Yeah, and they can all move in with you and your mother. The current Mrs. Wolowitz.

Penny: So you're saying if I became a famous movie star, we got married, you wouldn't sign a pre-nup?
Leonard: Absolutely not! If I'm gonna be stuck at home with the kids while you're on location cheating on me with Ryan Gosling, then Leonard gots to get paid.

Sheldon: I often forget other people have limitations. It's so sad.
Howard: He can feel sadness?
Leonard: Not really. It's what you and I would call condescension.

Howard: So I'm almost done writing the song for Bernadette. Are you cool playing the cello?
Leonard: If by cool you mean willing to, yes. If by cool you mean cool, clearly you've never seen me play the cello.

Sheldon: How do I make them stop loving me?
Leonard: You could invite them to live with us.

Leonard: I'm not sure it's a good idea to take Penny to where wine comes from.

Sheldon: I like it. I think you're on to something.
Leonard: Really? You're not messing with me?
Sheldon: Not at all. In fact, I have got something for just such an occasion. I was starting to think I'd never get a chance to give it to you. Good job!
Leonard: You're giving me a sticker?
Sheldon: Not just a sticker. That's a sticker of a kitty saying "Mee-wow".
Leonard: I'm not a preschooler.
Sheldon: Fine, I'll take it back.
Leonard: I earned this. Back off.

Leonard: The place really looks great.
Raj: Yeah, you should have burnt it down years ago.
Stuart: I keep telling you, I didn't burn it down.
Leonard: We know. We know. Because burning something down for the insurance money is a crime. *wink*

Penny: Leonard, what time does your mom's plane get in?
Leonard: I don't know. Sometime tomorrow morning.
Penny: Don't you want to know for sure?
Leonard: No need to. As soon as she flies into California airspace, I'll feel a disturbance in the Force.

Sheldon: Wait, put this in the bathroom.
Leonard: What for?
Sheldon: I need to measure my fluid intake and output to make sure my kidneys aren't shutting down.
Leonard: I mix pancake batter in this!
Sheldon: No, that measuring cup has always been for urine.
Leonard: You had time to make a label for everything in this apartment, including the label maker, but you didn't have ten seconds to make a label that said "urine cup"?
Sheldon: It's right here on the bottom.
Leonard: Huh, I guess I owe the Betty Crocker Company a letter of apology.

Bernadette: Come here, tushie face.
Leonard: Tushie face! That is going on twitter right now.

Sheldon:He'll be back.
Leonard: (Through the door) Of course, I'll be back, I live here!

Sheldon: This song is never going to stop. Have you ever dealt with something so relentlessly irritating?
Leonard: That's a trick question, right?