Raj: When Winnie-the-Pooh got his head stuck in the honey tree, his friends all grabbed onto him and pulled and pulled.
Leonard: You do what you want, I'm not touching another man's honey tree.

Penny: What happened?
Leonard: Sheldon's escaped and he's terrorizing the village.

Sheldon: I've changed. Like the frog who's put in a pot of water that's heated so gradually, he doesn't realize he's boiling to death.
Penny: Or you're the frog who's been kissed by the princess and turned into a prince.
Leonard: Or you're just a tall, annoying frog.

Leonard: Black beans, not pinto beans?
Sheldon: Yes.
Leonard: Double guacamole?
Sheldon: Of course.
Leonard: Lettuce shredded, not chopped?
Sheldon: Yes.
Leonard: No cilantro?
Sheldon: Nope.
Leonard: You understand why I'm doing this to you?
Sheldon: I do.
Leonard: That will be all.

Leonard: Homo habilis discovering his opposable thumbs says what?
Kurt: What?

Stephanie: I don't see anything at all, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Well, you're the doctor, but I am constantly hearing this annoying sound.
Leonard: Me too.
Sheldon: Is it a high frequency whistle?
Leonard: No, it's more of a relentless, narcissistic drone.

Leonard: What was that?
Penny: Sheldon tried to steal the ring so I punched him.
Leonard: That's my girl!

Penny: Just you wait and see. I'm gonna romance your freakin' ass off.
Leonard: That's beautiful. Is that Shakespeare?

Howard: Don't feel bad. Some day someone will be throwing out your work, too.
Leonard: That someone was Sheldon and the day was yesterday.

Leonard: I'm sorry.
Raj's sister: Why do you say that?
Leonard: When I'm in bed with a girl, that's just my natural response.

Leonard: Penny. We are made of particles that have existed since the moment the universe began. I like to think those atoms traveled fourteen billion years through time and space to create us, so that we could be together and make each other whole.

Leonard: I'm the king of foreplay.

Howard: So you're saying, if in the depths of despair she throws herself at you and demands you take her right there, right now, you'll just walk away?
Leonard: I said I'm her friend, not her gay friend.

Leonard: You call that a glow stick? *Pulls out a Lightsaber* That is a glow stick!

Leonard: People get things they don't deserve all the time. Like me with you.