Howard: Have you tried rebooting him?
Leonard: No, I think it's a firmware problem.

Penny: Toad of truth? Is that a physics thing?
Leonard: No, that's a crazy thing.

Leonard: I suppose there are worse ways to spend a Friday night. None come to mind.

Leonard: I have asthma. Back off!

Leonard: Wait, I got it. I got it.
Bernadette: Congratulations. You got it last.
Leonard: You're really mean, you know that?

Leonard: So, by friend, do you mean friend friend, gay friend, or ex boyfriend who you're now platonic with but still might have a thing for your friend?
Penny: Well, he's definitely not gay.
Leonard: Oh, a definitely not gay musician sleeping on my girlfriend's couch. Yippee!

Penny: Oh and FYI, you never even heard of The Black Eyed Peas until you met me.
Leonard: I'd heard of them. Didn't know they were a band.

Penny: Oh, there it is again. You think I'm stupid.
Leonard: No, there's a difference between being stupid and acting stupid.
Penny: Oh, yeah? Well, there's a difference between being a jerk and being an ass.
Leonard: No, there isn't. They're synonyms.

Raj: Now, the first thing we need is a theme. I'm thinking turn-of-the-century Moulin Rouge.
Leonard: I'm thinking you need a testosterone patch.

Howard: I can't believe I wasted all that money.
Leonard: Aw, and my girlfriend wouldn't let me get one. Look at my face. Do I look smug? I feel smug.

Penny: We won.
Leonard: Oh, that's excellent. It's a weird figure of speech, isn't it? We won, when you weren't actually playing. When we watch Star Wars, we don't say we defeated the empire.
Penny: I'm glad to hear it.

Howard: I think I'm gonna take her to miniature golf.
Leonard: Ah, well, I guess for you guys that's like regular golf.
Howard: Short jokes? Really? You're like a quarter of an inch taller than me.
Leonard: Yeah, and don't you forget it.

Howard: I love watching Raj and Sheldon try to work together.
Leonard: Yeah, it's like if Alien and Predator decided to go partners in a Jamba Juice.

Leonard: Sorry.
Priya: For what?
Leonard: I don't know. When I'm in bed with a girl, it's just it's my go to response.

Sheldon: I don't come into your house and touch your board.
Leslie: There are no incorrect equations on my board.
Sheldon: Oh, that is so... so...
Leslie: I'm sorry, I've got to run. If you come up with an adjective, text me.